Home!!!

Yeah, i am at my home no, TI. Drove back yesterday noon. Supposedly can reach home by 4 plus, but ended up reaching ho,e after 5 something. Traffic jam- an accident occur on the road between TI and Bidor. Causing a mass jam for nearly an hour. That's the only way for me to go back. What to do, have to wait. By the way, it was raining. While stuck in the middle of the road, i saw at least 4 ambulances passed by through me and 2 police cars. I wonder it must be a horrible accident. I can't anything from my sight coz the accident happened at the road in front me. but a bended road in front. The accident causes non of the car behind the cannot even move a bit. What i did was turn off the engine and wait. Waited nearly an hour, a policeman suddenly knock my window, and i was actually fall a sleep probably few minutes, due to long wait without doing anything. He told me to use another road which i never use before. So i follow the crowd.But, the road was horrible, coz it just a road made of sands and rock, a bumpy road, with holes here and there and water filled the hole, i was so worry in my car will stuck in the holes, but luckily i manage to pass it though, but the bottom of the cars get a few knocks coz by the holes that are too deep.

Tonight, dinner with grandma, at a restaurant we use to go. Fetched her by 7.30pm and get to the restaurant. On the way she on a while will relate our conversation about ah kong. It has been a month since the incident. I tried not to mention about him, coz scared she will emotionally break down. True enough, while we are in the middle of dinner, she suddenly cried, deep inside of her, i can really feel her pain she experienced. Mum say, maybe she recalled about the dinner together here with ah kong. What we can do is remain silence and try to comfort her. Seeing her condition making me myself so useless. Incapable. I wonder how she passes through the whole month without ah kong and the day after. I wonder she will cry every day in the room, or keep remember ah kong whenever she feel lonely. What i can do is just accompany her when i am back, how about the day after. Will she able to go through happily and looking the back to the past. I do understand what she felt, the feeling of missing someone, someone very important to you, someone that you been together everyday for 50 years. I understand. Yet i am so helpless. She used to be a cheerful lady, can even joke around, love traveling, but now.... she stayed at the house more frequent, the smile of the face turned sorrow. Every time i see her, i fel worry about her. I really hope that she will get well soon, and put the past behind.

I know it is easy to say when you comfort a people, but how many people really understand the feeling kept within her? i doubt about that. Because it is not easy...and i know that... i do understand. One should say i should "leave everything behind, start a new life" or "don't think too much, be strong". Is that so easy? Saying is always easier than doing. People just come and comfort you the disappeared....Life is like that, i do always wanted something, trying to grasp something impossible as if you are trying to grasp the air. But i still try hard to do so. I do always force myself to do something regardless what reason, because i know i need to do it, yet i do suffer in it. I tried myself to study, study never be an easy thing for me. Every time, i sit on the chair, face the books and note, oh..no... i don't know how to describe. but no choice, i have to face it, but in some situation, i do sometime give up. Not only in my study, i do always do things that i don't really want, but because i should do. I wonder who really understand what i am crapping here.