Lately I have behaving weirdly where Mervin is not Mervin. Feel like everything wrong, life sucks, loneness, and self-isolation. My senior, Wang Wang said that was the period of matuity. Period where we grow more matured. That what she said la. I don’t take 100% what she said, neither do I reject it. Just observing my feeling with what she told me. Haigh…. It have been months since my study break till now. The worst part was this kind of feeling keep on distracting even during exam. That why I worry this affect my exam results. And now, exam ended, on break. Yet it bothers me. Every single moment of mine. Sucks men… I wonder how long this will end. I almost gone mad….Argh….. Kaw meng r…..
Life never been like what we wish, I accept it. I have done what I should do, but somehow things just going another way round. Exploring deep inside myself, try to understand myself, looking for answers for myself, yet I can’t find it. If me myself can’t find the true Mervin, how he is going to explain to other people what Mervin is. Haha… funny right… if you can’t even know yourself, how you expect others to do so… But I really need care and moral support from certain people I need. But never get it…... clinging, attachment, source of my suffering…I wish I could free from it, but I know I can’t coz I am gripping on it. Letting go, is easy to be said, but hard to really let it go. Maybe I need sometime to release myself.
*ps: I am not specified it on my relationship stuff. It’s just a general statement of mine.
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