Disappointment?

Last night i got my examination result for Verfahrentechnik, it was just 2.7 (Germany system, something like cgpa, best will be 1.0) I was rather disappointed with it. After working hard for this subject and i thought i have done well during the exam, but i never thought it will be just 2.7 ( i was hoping for about 1.7 or better). It was really a shock news for me. Just like the whole world fall apart. As if your hard work didn't pay off. To be frank, i never have such feeling before.

I remember when i was in primary school where we must take UPSR. I was merely know what is the UPSR when i took it. I have never been the top students in my batch or even the class. I was basically ranked about 20-30+ among the students. Well, you can consider me as the top among the averege. Back then i was naughty, never do my homework, always get caned by the teachers, and of course never fail to have fight with my fellow friends.LOL! When the UPSR results was out, the list was pasted on the notice board right in front of the school entrance. Everyone ran to it once the announcement was made about the results. And i was in the top list, i scored straight 5 As for it(i was from SK school, so only 5 subjects taken). Of course i was happy and excited because no one will expect me to get such a results(no even me). Out of joy, there was someone in tears. J who was one of the top students broke down and cried. He scored 4 As and a B. That time i was wondering why must you be so sad because of this. It was just another examination out of numerous examinations. I don't understand what is the feeling of disappointed when your hard work didn't pay off. But i realized that Luck always be on my side.

Because of the good results, my dad enrolled me in to RMC (Royal Military College) where the requirement was at least 4 As and above for UPSR. Before i was enrolled into the college i were required to do some minor test for stamina, perseverance, IQ test where i stayed in the military camp for 1 whole week. Later i got the admission into it, and whole new world awaited for me. To think back, it was a total disaster for the 1st year in there. You got punished whatever fault you did, and you also punished for the fault of your friends. i remembered i woke up daily about 5am and sleep about 12am daily. This resulted me sleeping habit during the class ( i am not going to elaborate in detail about my life there). My results was so poor where ranked 30 out of 100 students in my batch. I begin to pick up my studies during the early of form 3, where i need to take my PMR. Luckily i have a group of good teachers never give up on us. They keep pushing us, train us and guide us till to the day of examination. And with their helps and of course again with Luck, i scored 7 As in the examination (again, RMC is consider a SK type school, so just 7 subject were taken).

Right after the PMR, i tell myself, i will make sure my name will be in the 1st sheet of the paper on the notice board ( every time, the overall examination was pasted on the notice board, and normally top 15-20 will be on the 1st sheet, and i was always in the second sheet). So i make an effort to strike since the beginning of form 4. My hard work paid off. I was ranked number 5 in the 1st half of the year and 8th in the final year. Somehow, i didn't manage to keep my perseverance with me and my studies when down during form 5. But i manage to score 9 As in my SPM (not all A1, with few A2). Well, with this results, i was one of the 6 students who scored all As. Well, it seem like our standard was so low where none of use get straight A1 like other ordinary school,but the reality is the life as a military student ain't a easy thing, more over to score a string of As. Of all 6, everyone get a scholarship some went to oversea, and some went to some prestige colleges and left me back to form 6 life. This time i would not say Luck was on my side. Perhaps you can consider me the worst of the top.LOL!

Ok! Form 6, back to my hometown, my old school. Everything seems like have to restart again, i have to get use of the "normal" school lifestyle after 4 years in "extraordinary" life. LOL! Well, form 6 life was ain't easy especially when your class filled with the cream of the cream. Those who scored 11 A1s, 12 A1s..... and you just straight A but not A1. So that was the life. Instead of biology, i have chosen physics class. One thing you should know about me is i am sucks in Physics since form 4. Instead, i hate that subject. BUT, because i don't want to compete with the top of the top for limited places in Uni for the critical course( eg: doctor,dentistry or pharmacy), so i choosen physics class. In the mind that i have wider scope for engineering scope and lesser stress for my studies in form 6. LOL! Well, form 6 life passes with a lot of memorable stuff, where i had my first gf, where i was addicted to DOTA and play at the cyber cafe up till 3am in the morning during my trial exams with CH. CH was my best friend. I was sitting in the 1st row right in the middle of the class and he was next to me and JY just behind me. The funniest thing was, JY and i always fell asleep in the class and got scolded by our teacher CTH.LOL! Though we played a lot, but i never fail to do our revision, everyday and night (except during dota session). Until the last 2 days before my physics examination, i broke down, i was worry i can't make it for the exam. Of course i took a lot of effort to master the subject, but it just don't get into my brain. I remember that night i went to HS house doing revision with HS and CS and in the middle of revision, the fear surrounded me, i went to the back and cried out, never in my life i was so worry about my studies. But somehow that time i was worry to death. That time H came and he accidently found out that i was being a crybabe. And he comforted me. Well, when the result was out, i got 3 As and a B for my physics. Though i have already expected the result, but............

Ok, a another new chapter of my life when i was enrolled into UKM of a degree in Mechanical engineering. As usual, i had a good result for my 1st semester. Since the beginning of my admission into the uni, i was not in the mood to study as hard as i was anymore. I lost my spirit to strive like what i used to be. Moreover the degree i got was the 3rd last choices out of 8 choices i have selected. For the last 6 semester i led my life in "happy go lucky" lifestyle where i don't care much of my results. Thing happened the same as i reached Germany. I have forgotten my resolution and my target to work hard. And........ So for the second semester, i start to dig out my long buried spirit within me and try to strive for the final time. Though the Verfahren result was rather disappointing, but i still haven't give up because i still have 2 more exams to go. Getting back the "spirit" where you lost for years is ain't easy, more over you can't just have the feel, you must do something to show the result. I hope the Luck that has been accompanying me for year be with me again. :)

ps: too long to check for error mistake.

Changes!

I was studying and took a short break. Went to the toilet and rinsed my face with cold water to reduce my tiredness. Then i looked myself in front the mirror and i realized that i look so awful. My face was filled with blackhead especially on my nose, a little bit of pimples, large dark circles under the eyes with horrible eye bag. A little of wrinkles near the edges my eyes. A big forehead with lesser hair. I am having hair loss problem since the day i reached Germany. They told me that this was due to the "hard" water we use daily.

Looking at myself i realized that i didn't care much on my appearance since the day i started my new life in here.

I remembered that i used to wash my face twice a day when i was in Malaysia (morning and evening), but nowadays i just wash it once a day or maybe once every 2 days.
I remember i use to have facial treatment ( with mask) once a month or 2 months once, but i never do that since the day i was in Germany. Even WS who was a typical guy do mask more than me.LOL! i wonder if the world have turn upside down!
I remember each time i went back home, my mum will get me a small glass birdnest every morning(she even woke me up in the middle of sleep to drink it before she went to work), but never for now.
I remember that every time when i was in the study weeks, mum will get me a box of "essence chicken", but not in Germany.
I remember during my revision weeks, i will take care of my meal by taking quality food, but these days fast foods will be my meals.
I remember i used to take supplement foods every morning, but these days, chocolate and junk food replaced them.LOL!
I remember I woke up every morning i used to drink a big glass of plain water, but now coffee and tea will be my new drinks.
I remembered that i use to hate smokers, but now i am one of them.
I remember i used to be shopaholic who shopped a lot, but the last time i went for shopping was nearly 6 months ago. Having limited shirts and pants. Even WS have double of my quantity.LOL!

I wonder if i havechanged that much!

Less than 2 weeks before final 2 exams!

I has been struggling for the last 2 exams of my degree course( excluding the thesis) for the final time i do my revision for my last exam(i hope i will pass all of it). When the exam ended i will start doing my thesis and then balik kampung. I have been longing to go back! BUT before i am going back to Malaysia, there are few places that i must go beside Europe and of course i need $$$$$! hmm... let put aside this thing 1st.

Today will just focus on my on going like. Lately i forced myself to wake up 7am daily. Well it was not an easy task to do because i need to shift time sleeping time and i ended up fell sick twice.LOL! because i can't sleep at night and woke up too early which causes me to fall sick.

Hmm... if you notice, i am writing this blog with really really bad sentences( i know most of the time my blog suck, but this time is even worse).Because i was in rush when i was typing the post. I was out of randomness!

Whole day in the library from 9am-5.30pm(excluding 20 mins out for lunch), productive is not really high, but at least i keep my revision in track. These days, i was in high tension due to 2 examinations on 24th and 26th. Both required you to memorised every since words on the notes plus both will be in Germany language examination! :( with my low level of german, i need to double up my effort compared to others. With my super duper lazy mervin against desperate wanna to study mervin. I wonder who will win! LOL!

we will see how it turn after the examinations. :)

Determination!

Determination! Determination! Determination!

I always fail to keep myself with the books when in come to examination! It's always excuses and distractions when i am suppose to concentrate

and study. The word DETERMINATION seem easy to be uttered out, but i far to be reach! hard to keep myself on track! In in the pace what i have planned.

Examination is coming in no time, yet i wasn't ready. Everyday filled myself with worrisome but lack of enthusiasm to perform my task. :(

I have build up my revision plan, but the execution will be another story. Starting this Monday, i've tried to check myself with sticky note. Yeah, i noticed that it do help, but the progression was just 60%.. 40% of the work will be postponed to the next day. In the end, more and more thing piled up together and i got even more stress or feel like giving up.

Every morning, when i woke up, just before i get out of my bed, i will tell myself "today will be a fine day, i will be happy, and i will finish all my task" But it seem like doesn't work. I recalled that i always convinced my friends never ever give up! But i just realized that not giving up is not sufficient to make my day, i still need D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-A-T-I-O-N!!!

2 habits that i need to cultivate for my whole examination period will be:

No. 1: Clearly identify my missions and proceed to my goals!

No.2: Prioritizing my goals!

We will see how it work! When the exam is over! I will check if those 2 habits are with me or not!

Some how, i feel like praying and ask for favor to the Almighty God in helping me go through this crucial moment. BUT i know, no one can help you, if you can't help yourself.

Just

7 days(23/7) before my German Language examination

18 days(3/8) for my Verfahren examination

39 days(24/8) for my Werkstoff II examination

41 days(26/8) for my Werkzeugmaschine examination

After the examination, i will check this post again, seeing how good i am in keeping my word!

A Wish of A Child from Lower Middle Class Family

I was thinking of calling my parents since last few days, but i could get a chance to do so. Today i finally made a call back home. Telling them my wish, having a vacation with mum and dad in Europe. Well, it sound weird for a guy like me who will be quarter of century old by next year uttering such wish. Maybe because of my background. It might an easy task for some of you, but definitely not for me due to 2 reasons. Firstly, is the family financial status and secondly, dad's personality who always refuse us.LOL!

I was born in a lower middle class family, where both of my parents need to work. Since i was young, i was hardly in my home. When i was a child, i stayed with my paternal grandparents. A family full with rules and restrictions. Where i always been punished for my naughtiness.LOL! When i was 10, my beloved grandma passed away, i moved to my maternal side. By 14 years old (when i was form 2), i has been sent to boarding school in KL. During my high school(form 6), i continued my studies in my hometown,BUT... for the sake of convenience and of course freedom, i stayed most of the time at my grandpa's house instead of my house which is just 10 minutes awayxD. After my examination(STPM), i had my 6 months break, and spent the entire holiday working in Genting Highland. Later, i was offered to UKM to pursue my Mechanical Engineering degree starting July 2010 (by the age of 20) and now ended up in Duisburg-Essen University in Germany.

So, the time i have spent with my family was rather limited. I missed a lot of family trips/outing. You might ask, "if you seldom see them, you should not really close (in term of relationship) with them?" Yeap, i am not very close with my parents, especially when i was a kid. I hardly talk to my dad. As time goes on, i grew up, and every time i went back home, i really feel at HOME. So warm, so relaxing, at peace, and nothing to worry about. I was having fun staying home, having dinner together, watching mum and dad teasing each other, seeing my siblings body language (because the seldom talk).

Since last years, every time i went back, my heart pain seeing my parents. Every time, i see them, i realized that dad and dad getting older, there is more wrinkles on their facse, and more white hairs. But one think never changed, dad still work hard as usual. Running here and there, trying to earn more income for the family. For over 20 years he has been working so hard, and i was hoping that he can taking some break to be here with me in Germany.

So today, i called mum to come over here by end of this year with dad. Mum said that she has no problem coming over, but thetroublesome part wil be dad. And i called dad as well. Well, dad is always busy with his work, so you need a persuading skill when you talk to him. I remembered today when i asked him to come over, he said " Cannot, there is a load of work to do" for the 1st few times. Then i continue to persuade him, then he said " Hmm... we will see how is the arrangement first, but i guess i can't make it" He kept repeating the word " cannot" until i say "Please don't say no or can not when you haven't plan it. If you really want to come, we will figure out the way. But never say NO". Finally he stopped saying the word NO, but he kept saying "We will see how." LOL! Though he didn't say the word "YES" but i am assuming that he that he has agreed. Because it is my wish!

Now I Know Why!

Flourance, Italy, March 2010

Today was rather cold and rainy. No more sun bathing. And now i understand why these Caucasians always craved for sun light. Because you hardly get sunny weather here. It's always cloudy and cold. So, when the sun is out, everyone go out for sun bathing, enjoying the "precious" sun ray. LOL!

I was in Düssseldorf last Monday for sunbathing.LOL! For this first timen(i will never do that in Malaysia).LOL! Experiencing the hot sun ray, will cold breeze of air, enjoying the green scenery and of course people in summer wear.LOL! Lying on the grass, "peeping here and there, looking for some hot .....hehe(you know what i mean).

Sunbathing in Düsseldorf, May 24th 2010!

Unknowingly, it was the end of my 8th month here in Germany. I have gone through Autumn, Winter, Spring and soon will be SUMMER! I gonna to love it. Hot weather, and of course HOT.... Caucasians with summer wear surely an eye catching.LOL!

Venice, March 2010

Yesterday i finally passed up me project report. Finally, after 5 months long! I was kind of lost since out of sudden, i lost my direction. Project done, exam done, internship report done. Going to have a nice break this week before i get myself busy again(my break definition is sleep, eat, rest). Will be start preparing for another 3 examinations and starting looking for my thesis title next week.

Sigh, thinking back, there are still many places yet to visit. Paris, Belgium, Austria,UK, Scottland, Swiss, Berlin...... I wonder i able to making it.LOL! Well, i was thinking of going to Paris this June, but the problem is i can't find a suitable partner to the City of Romance. What a pity!

Flower garden in Netherlands, May 2010

Opss, i just realized that my post was too far from the main post. Coz i was so lazy to update my blog and compiled up everything in this post. Anyway, nothing special for today. I just printed out some new pictures for my wall. LOL! some candid pictures that memorable to me.

Holland for shopping, but ended up empty handed, March 2010!

ps: i was so lazy to update the posts i missed, so i guess some photos will do.LOL!

What? I am still free to blog?

These few days i kept hiding myself in the room, thank to my in-coming examination and a bundle of works on my project where the both due on next Friday. Really making me down. Isolation mode executed and i was so bored staying the room. My revision progression was rather slow, as if not moving at all.LOL! Fell sleepy for the whole day. Wake up, translate my note, and study, then sleep back, wake up again, facebooking and the study back. Then went for break AGAIN. Though i was in the room alone, but it seem like a lot of distraction. Looking on the pictures on my wall, reminded me "216" and special number which i used for the past 6 months.^^ Though it was none of my business ,but......(i kept a lot of secret within myself.xD)

Well, lacking of update on my blog, making me failed to jot down my experiences for the past few months. Many thing happened, but as time passed, all those incidents are fading from my memory. Only those jotted down will help me refresh my memories. Well, of course the taken picture do play the same role. That why, i kept looking the pictures on my wall.LOL!


I don't know what i should blog about in this section. too blur d.LOL! so random!

When i am busy....!

I remembered that my friend said "your frequency of blog reflected how busy you are". Well, i admit it. I was busy since February for the examination which ended in the middle of March, then within a week, i flew to Italy for 1 week sight seeing.

By the 1st week of april i started my german class in dusseldorf. Daily classes from 2pm-6pm, but i took me 2 hours for the daily traveling duration. Classes were from Monday to Friday. Woke up early in the morning, work on my on going project in uni, and homework from german class. By 12.30pm leaved the room and headed to Düsseldorf for class and will be reaching home about 7.15pm. cook, dinner and rest. By the time i settled down everything, it was about 10 something at night. Start to feel sleepy and tired, so.... sleep! that was my life for the last month.

This month, i am filled with my project stuff and my incoming examination. which both fall on 21st of May. Rushing to the project reports and translating the examination script from german to english. Which took me a lot of time.


Out of these busy days, i realized that i missed out something. I didn't manage to enjoy the spring season. The missed the scene where the flowers bloomed. The colorful flowers, the greenery scene after winter. I was so cool! Though i realized that since last month, i keep telling myself "i will take some days off and enjoy it". But i was too late. Since last 2 weeks, the weather turned to be rainy, cloudy and cold. I can't imagine that i am experiencing 5-7 degree Celcius during winter. Sigh!


Nevertheless, i manage to squeeze sometime for short break, where i took 1 day trip to Netherlands for the spring season, the flowers and the wind mill.^^ short and memorable.


Well, i guess i will be continue busy until end of this year. Lately i missed a lot of stuff back then i Malaysia. Missed my mum, my dad. feel like hugging them and give them kisses.LOL! miss the family stuff. Though since small, i hardly stay in my home, but somehow i feel like going home.LOL! i missed my life in KL especially few months before i came to germany. It was on the peak! No deny many thing happened.



Well, i am so blur now. And not sure what i am writing now. as if my content deviated from the title.LOL! maybe....i guess today blog was just a summary on what i have been doing for past 2 months!

i will try to update it from time to time! ^^
ps: i was too busy to edit the pictures. So.... it should be look bad!xD

Spring!

Maybe you of you guys still don't know, it is Spring now in Germany. The flowers start blooming, the green earth has come back.

While walking out of the street, you can see trees with various type of colors. The grass start growing. Everything seem like so lively. More pleasant! The day getting longer, sun rises about 5.30am and sets about 8.30pm. Always feel like the night is too short!LOL!

Since last week, i started my German class in Dusseldorf. I was taking the intermediate class. Everything was so in mess, where i need to travel for more than an hour to the class(including the time for waiting the train and train interchange) The class was not easy for me. Feel like i have the lowers German language command in the whole class(though it only consist of 9 students)


Load of home works, with unfinished project, internship report, and next month oral test. Too many to do, to little time to spend. Maybe, i wasted to much time last semester. Wondering what i have done for the past 6 months. Better don't ask me. Coz i don't feeling like thinking. Life is all about moving forward. Now, i know that i must resume all my pending work. Can't afford to continue lazying.LOL!

Guess, at the moment, i had no time to blog out my italy trip. Just have a look on my pic in facebook. almost all picture uploaded except picture in venice.

Need to sleep now. till then......

Meaning of Celebration!

Today is the first day of Chinese New Year and well Valentine Day, but it was filled with emptiness.

I am wondering what the meaning celebrating Chinese New Year without family members and what the meaning of Valentine Day when you are alone. Though this 2 celebrations come together but it seem like meaningless to me.

Last night everyone gathered in my room for the celebration. Having steamboat for New Year eve. They played until 3 something. Everyone seem enjoying and happy. I do joined along, but somehow i felt that i missed out something. Can't really enjoy it. :(

Today, woke up about 12pm plus. Had lunch and cleaned up the room. By 3pm, went to an Indonesian house since i promised him to teach him the CAD until 7pm. Went to XM place for dinner as planned. Well, it was just a short dinner. Nothing special. Small chat and everyone dismissed my 8.30pm. And that end of my 1st day of CNY and Valentine Day!

What a day!!!!

This kinda of day really making me down!

Don't feel like blogging now!

Anyway!

GONG XI GONG XI!
and
HAPPY VALENTINE!

Proud or Ashamed?

Hmm... i actually didn't update my blog for weeks. Why? well, i don't want to explain in detail. As what IS post on his blog before, " the time spend on the internet/blog proportional to your degree of boredom"
That is not the key point of this blog.xDD

Lately, i have more and more German friends. And the question they surely ask is "where are you from?" at i will just said "Malaysia". From time to time they will ask about the Malaysia's culture, life......

Well, as Malaysian (i take myself as pure Malaysian, though some might disagree) i tried to promote my home country. Letting them know the beauty of "my homeland" (some don't think so). The beached, the cities,.....these and that.... blablabla.....

BUT, i guess what i did is useless.

The perspective of the world toward Malaysia is so bad when it come to HUMAN RIGHT! Cases like human trafficking, child abuse, discrimination, and corruption were known for years! Lately, the case Mongolian girl, the ISA case of Hindraf, Anwar's case.........
AND now, the "name of GOD" issue. I would not like to make any comment of these cases in this blog. Because many people think that voicing out your voice is wrong. And you might ended up in somewhere else!

Last week, again! another strike by our dearly ex-leader, Dr. M who said that "the Holocaust failed as a final solution" by Malaysia Insider. More,read here

I was shock with his statement! Where he think that extermination a race is one of the solution! Malaysia is already in bad situation due the the case of religious building attack, and yet he create another tension!

If more and more of this issue pertaining HUMAN RIGHT happened in Malaysia, i guess, we should just forget about promoting Malaysia to the world! Because when people think of Malaysia, what will people think?

Just stop pointing finger! keep blaming each other when problem occurs! Why don't keep people start solving the problem who remained there unsolved!

*ps: this is not any political view or so whatever related! I am just a Malaysian who feel so sad and helpless to see what happened in my country!

Vanilla Twilight (Owl City)

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you, dear
Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight...)

I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh if my voice could reach
back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear:
"Oh darling I wish you were here"

Back Off!

today, when i was checking my own blog, i found out someone searched my blog through google by searching "mervin chew s*** k*****"
i was really pissed off. Because today was sunday, and there is a jerk trying to dig up some stupid thing from the past.

Well, i don't denial, i am a bit harsh this time. I still holding the grudge where i was " career assassinated" due to company politic, where i has been the black sheep for someone to get promotion. I was sentence to death without any judgment but a feedback. I almost have to repeat my 5 months training, where i had gone 4 months of it. I almost lost my only chance to be in Germany as the training was one of the requirement. And i lost RM30000 scholarship because of this matter. All thank to the GM.

I was suppose to go all out against it, but due to YSD's AM closed conversation and she helped me a lot in relocating me back to another company. I really thanks her for her help.

Today, and again, someone trying to dig back the past. Looking for problems! I really hate it. I hate the moment when i was requested to sweep the floor of the workshop, throwing chemical disposal, get cuts and bruises all over my body, doing those stuff which is not related with my mechanical engineering degree. Being toyed by someone who do not work but pointing out finger.

Though, i already tried hard NOT to be involve in any political stuff in the company. But it seem like, being neutral, you will also be in trouble. And as you in trouble, no one will help you.

Sigh! I don't like to blog about this out. But, i really can't stand silence when someone trying to harm me again and again.

I was told to be more mature, think in the wider view, and blog in a more positive way. And, here go. I did it. But... how about J who cause me fired, the management who put all the blame on me. Can't you all think a little more mature! be more open to criticism! For me criticism is a way to improve a company. Terminating someone who criticise the wrong doing, won't solve any problem. The problem will remain there.

I am really tired of all these think. It really affect me a lot. Mentally, emotionally.
So, those who search for "mervin chew s*** k*****" via google.

PLEASE BACK OFF! I AM DONE WITH THAT. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

Thing That Never Change!

As promised, i went to watch movie "AVATAR" with my fellow friends. The movie was superb. I guess it will be awesome if i watch it in 3D.

This was the second time i watched movie in Germany. Previously was 2012. Both were great. But, when i watched these movies, i turned moody. Flashing back the happy moment i had when i watched "Final Destination" and "Orphan". Well, although those movies were nice, but the most memorable moments were the moments when i watched its with someone i fell to.

That was the moment i cherish! Remembering the warm hand i am holding, with the smile on the face and eyes contacts we had . It was the sweetest moment. Though it was just momentary, i appreciate each of every moment.

Time passed, it has been 3 months plus. Many thing changed, people changed, environment changed, everything changed. But something remain the same.......

I guess, i had another emo blog again! I hate emo blog. Make me loose my cool. Letting people see how weak i am. But no help, this is the nature of red hat!

Moving on, but cherish the moment of happiness.

I remembered when H had conflict with J couple of years ago and H said "You won't understand until you really fell with someone"
Now i really understand it!

Conflict!

I heard that when there is an interaction, there is the conflict! We communicate, we talk, we voice out our thought regardless of verbally or non verbally. The there is different opinion or miscommunication, the conflict rises.

Well, living together with various type of people from different background, different lifestyle isn't a easy thing. Moreover, when there is a gap in term of mindset.

Ok, guess i should stop beating around the bush and straight to the point. Lately, there were more and more conflicts rise between us. Including me myself. Being the frustrated one and the one who been frustrated. A disagreed with B, B dissatisfied with C, C frustrated with E and F, D angry with A, and...... Some of them voiced up and some of kept quite and kept it in themselves.

Everyone kept pointing out their fingers here and there, including me myself. Everyone keen to think they are right. And yet we forget to reflect ourselves. Quick conclusion and sarcasm was the main reason of conflict!

I don't say that i am very good. I admit myself is one of them. Yet, sometime people just think they are always right. Trying to correct others.


Compromising isn't a good think to practice. How long can a people endure the own dissatisfaction? I am sorry to say, as a Buddhist, i failed to practice Buddhism. Guess i have wasted all the effort of fellow incovarians,the committees, and the speakers who tried to enlighten me about delusion.

Relationship between human kind is something too complex for me. Especially when we were expecting something from someone and turn out to be vice-versa.

Just take my relationships as an example. I was so into a person who barely care much about me. While there was someone who so keen to be with me. Plus there were so many confessions toward me and yet, i rejected them. I know the feeling of being ignored by someone who wanted so much. I know it, it just that i am helpless. And when such complication appeared, so do the conflict. (*this is the past. please don't ask)

But, survey from Reader Digest shows that the second most pleasurable thing is companion/friends beside sex. Hmm.... We prefer hanging out with friend rather than being alone. But hanging out with friends created conflict!

The Ugly Truth!

When we looking so something which is so nice, so beautiful, so wonderful and perfect! When we watch a movie. If it was nice we praise it. But just a slight mistake during the filming process might ruined the whole movie. We just want a perfect nice movie without any fumble.

Have you ever think about the process of it? Have ever think how a movie was produced. Have you ever think the hardship each of everyone who involve in the movie?

Guess many of us forget about it until the very moment when we experience it ourselves. I remembered when was doing my internship. Everyone think that i am a quite, innocent guy who just know how to study and stayed in his room and study. But, when they found out that i am out going, having fun, enjoying night life; their perception changed. They think that you are masking yourself. They feel cheated. For all hard work that i did for the past few months was down the drain.

They have forgotten how punctual you are.
They have forgotten how well you handle the given task.
They have forgotten how well you present yourself.
They have forgotten how well you communicate with fellow colleagues.
And they also forgotten how much you have contributed to the company.

In their mind, they think they have been cheated.
They mixed the working life and after work personal life.
They intruded my personal life.
They tarnished my reputation.

Just because of their perception.
They think, they believe that you had tarnish the company reputation.
Judged me guilty for the fault i have not made.
Sentenced guilty without chance to clarify.

Though it has been the past.... and no point looking backward.
But i take it as lesson.
A lesson for a life time.

As they think negative of me just because of slight miscommunication, so do i. Felt frustrated, angry and annoyed with the company. But, when i cooled down, when my mind was composed, and when i met the HR person, i finally understand that nothing perfect. That the corporate world that i am going to face in future.
This is the time i learn. This is the time for me to grow up.

Again.... the audiences only see what on the stage. Not the backstage!

Looking backward!

I has been almost a month, or more precisely 26 days since the day i stepped my foot on Germany, leaving my homeland for the first time. Thing happened, this changed for time to time....
As been preached, i must move on with my life.

Well, making at start isn't a easy step to take moreover when you are alone. Walking through the path that everyone takes which is not the path i wanted to take. But, i had make my choice and i will go through it. As Dr Randy said " The brick wall in front of us is not there for no reason. It shows us how desperate we want something" His words somehow make me understand thing that i used to blame....

Guess i am agree with the word from the film "The Ugly Truth" sometime, the truth is something awful that we rather stay ourselves in illusion. Illusion!

Lately, i tend look back my past... the happy moments i had before.... i know it was past... but it kept appearing on and off in my mind. Well, thing don't last especially the moment you precious most...

I missed my live, my friends, my family and things i left behind.... things that i just found out. I missed the live that i have just build up recently....

My fellow college friends(2006)


Paint Ball in Penang with incovarians (2007)


Penang's Hill(2007)!


Pre Christmas with my German's teachers(2008)

my housemate,farewell before i fly...(2009)

The latter day during Fac Night(2009)!


Jalan Kuchai Lama with 'backstage' friends (2009)


My 'backstage' friends (2009)!

Happy moment in PD for our farewell (2009)


Steamboat with hometown friends 2009!

My dearest coursemates in airport!

Bunch of my very very important 'backstage' friends!

And.... finally, my beloved family!

ps:I was surprise that my comeback(blog) did get a lot of attraction from you guys. Thanks for supporting my blog. With you guys, i will continue blogging as i use to be......

The comeback after few unsucessful attempt

Hmm... i guess it has been very very long time i didn't update my blog since an awful incident happened on me where i was 'fired' due to my blog. A few attempts have been made to revive my blog, but due to my business and lost of the interest on blogging.

A lot of incidents happened between that duration from the moment i has been fired and then went to new company to complete my internships. Later i finished my internship program and went for 3 weeks technical language course, the very last day in Malaysia and now settling down my life in Germany.

No doubt that i had a great time, experiences,and friends during the internship period. Though there were complication happened in between that duration, but i did cherish every moment i had during the latter day. I had built a new life which belong to me, i had met friends who were in common with me, so to someone which so important to me. Unfortunately, happy moment never last.

Now, back to zero. Back to the original point. I have to restart everything again. This time, it was different that the usual situation in Malaysia. In Germany, language is the barrier for me to reach out the others. I remembered that when i was in Malaysia, i could easily mix with anyone regardless of gender, status, race, preference...... Just one reason, I can communicate. But....

Okey, enough of complaining. this blog i am gonna to show you guys my room where i tried to make it better and better. And still in progress.

My study table with the inclined windows because i stayed in the roof floor.



My windows side. Bought 2 pot of flowers to make my room more colorful.

My bed with super thick comforter. Preparing for winter. LOL!

My shelf full with my stuff!

The sofa was taken from Xiao Mai's apartment. It was not really clean, so i bought a big cloth and cover it up and.... Tada! nice sofa.

*ps: this picture taken last week. Latest picture of my room layout with be shown once i have taken the picture.
Later i will show you guys my lamp tables, lamps, cupboard and ect.
Guess that all for this blog. Will continue updating my blog soon.

Internship's Diary- Day 59&60

I was suddenly sick last Thursday night, so i took MC for Friday. Out of sudden, my muscle on the left between my abdomen and thigh was in pain since Thursday morning and got out of control went it reached late evening. I could barely move. Any single movement will cause me in deep pain. Even when i car passed through those bump road, i could feel the pain. Can't even laugh. Damn! Doctor said that i might me overwork and sprained my muscle. Well, no doubt i just shifted to workshop with those heavy work, but i had my daily exercise in gym. Sigh....So i didn't count that day in.

July 13 (Monday)

I was suppose to go out with D. Due to a bundle of works in the workshop, I had to stay in the workshop installing those control valve onto the tractors. All those installation must be done by 3pm for delivery. After all, i only manage to get everything done by 4pm. Luckily one of the lorry drive MC, so some of those delivery postponed. And after 4pm, i was free until 5.30pm.

Went to gym, rpm class....blah....blah... like usually.

July 14 (Thurday)

Went out with Sh to Port Dickson and Banting. To PD for normal 2nd service on the tractor L2800 after 400 hours usage. Was in PD till 3pm. Sh took sometime to distribute his wedding invitation cards to his friends and family members coz he was originate from PD.

Then went to Banting to dismantle the tractor engine from the tractor. The engine need to be overhaul. Any job related to engine overhaul isn't easy coz the process installing and disengaging engine is energy consumption and proper precision is required. Imagine an engine required 4 man powers to carry it up to the Ford Ranger. I was a bit frustrated as we were actually late. Reached Puchong office by 6.30pm instead of 5.30pm. Sigh.... 1 hour overtime without pay.

Was actually so wanted to take photo for my visa application, but somehow i found out that my shoe bag missing. Searched here and there and even went to gym and looked for it, but failed. I lost my precious nike bag, nike shoe and nike socks. Damn!!!!! I just bought that bag. I lost above RM250 just in a day. Sigh.....

Internship's Diary- Day 55- 58

July 6 (Monday)

I was still in the Part Department, doing my unfinished task. By 12 noon, i actually manage to finish the given task. I told Ym about that and passed all my completed data to him. As she promised, Ym met the manager, Is so transfer me back to Service Department. He agreed and i will be continue back to my initial work place starting tomorrow. The workshop.

Since i completed all the task before lunch, so i was kinda free on after lunch. Just some minor work here and there. Free from 2pm-5.30pm. Haha...

July 8 (Tuesday)

Yeah. I was in the workshop. On the morning, D brought me Shah Alam to repair the air compressor. Basically nothing special. By noon we headed to Klang. Another factory. What we did was just dismantle the bare head and took in back. Overall, there were not much stuff we did, time actually wasted for travelling due to long distance and traffic jam. Manage to get a short break before heading back to office. Went to eat mee rebus. But the time was almost 5pm. So i just took it a bit.

Today i had an appointment with my friend. We wanted to go Yuen for dinner, but it was closed. So we went to some nearby steamboat restaurant. After wor, i straight away went to gym to get shower and change. This was there first time i went to gym just for the sake of using the rest room. LOL! Coz going back home and out again will cost me more than 1 hours stucked in jam. So...

That night gathering was something special to me.(don't ask why)LOL! Total 6 of us, 2 girls and 4 guys from different background. Very outgoing, funny and hyper-active. I actually only know 1 of them, the remaining were his friend. Overall, i do enjoy a lot. They were friendy and nice, though i was a bit quite that night.
HUH! Mervin quite? LOL! Maybe i still shy. Coz i won't talk much to strangers.

July 9 (Wednesday)

In the morning, went to Cyberjaya with D to check the problem of a generator in a bus. Rounded that area for few times and finally we able to trace the bus. As we were not familiar with that place, we found ourself lost for few times. LOL!

Job done, and we took a break on the highway rest house during our lunch time. Suddenly D asked me,

D: will you buy handphone with some stranger who selling it at the road side?
Me: of course not! All those are illegal stuff.

Suddenly an Indon guy in 40s came ask to buy an hp, Nokia N95, 8Gig. Wow...that was tempting men. Initially we rejected time. But then....

Me: That 1 is Nokia N-series right?
D: Yeah. N95
Me: wow...if the original N95 will be around RM1500-RM1800
D: Really?
Me: Yeah! Plus if we can get it in RM300, then i will be super cheap.
But i don't know is original or pirated.
D: that guy said that the hp was stolen hp. Should be original.
Me: if original then buy it. (I changed my stand.LOL!)

From discouraging him to encouraging him.LOL! i am suck a asshole. I contacted my friend to assist me to check to hp. Overall, it looked exactly the original type will multi-function. We were so convinced and bought the hp with RM350.

Once we reached office, Din asked our colleague to check for us. Initially everything was ok until he check the camera. It was a fake nokia phone. The camera quality is low. but the hp was so real that so hard know that it was China product. But he did not regret coz the hp was so cheap even though it's china stuff.

July 10 (Thursday)

Another relaxing day. Recently i found out that working in the service department indeed easy though we work with sweat, use a lot of energy, and get dirty. But we take our time to finish the job without rushing or facing those boss faces. Afternoon went back to Klang to installed back the repaired bare-head. Done.

After work, went for a short gym. Today i have promised W to go pasar malam. Well, thing went hay-wired. Starting from W car broke down, then stuck in jam and finally, upon our arrival to pasar malam, i got muscle sprained. I was so pain that i can even stand with little vibration. A small vibration will cause me in deep pain. Damn! I was actually have that pain since this morning, but i thought it will goes of later. But after my gym session, it was getting worse. It was so pain that i could hardly now myself. Even bending my leg. LOL!

W immediately took me to clinic once we finish our dinner( some not nice laksa). I walked with each step of painness. The pain that i never experience before. Sigh... In the clinic, that stupid doc ask me,

Doc: Is your testicals still there?Both of them

Me: Of' course got. Why ask such question?

Doc: Coz something if your muscle sprained, it will pull your testical up.

Me: Ic, yea. I can feel a bit of pull that area.

But his question was too weird to answer. How can testicle went missing. Perhaps to small dick guys or fat guys, but definitely not me. LOL

Yeah. I got an MC for tomorrow. Though i don't really want to take mc but.... coz taking mc on friday, people might think that i took it on purpose. Plus a was on leave next week. Sigh...