Personality Test!Soul Searching

Last week, Chee Onn given me some assessment for a personality test which divided to four groups of profile, the popular sanguine, the powerful choleric, the perfect melancholy, and the peaceful phlegmatic. Each people have 2 of its as their domain. But surprisingly i do not dominate any of it, because i possesses all the four profiles, you can define me as a person with multi personalities or without any personality.
From the beginning of my life till now, what i experienced seem like everything hanging on the middle. Possess no specialty. Never being excellence nor too weak in my studies, never be good in sports not being a weakling. From a not too poor or extremely rich family. I wish me myself at least perfect i a field not in between, hanging and going nowhere. Being an intermediate causing me a lot of doubt, undecided choice, as struggling to be one of these group coz no one is in common with me. People might think this kind of personality is the can adapt with everyone but someone it isn't easy, you are not yourself and you not belong to the group.

The Beginning!!!

New sem started with the new Mervin, staying at newly rent house,with new bed,new wardrobe drive 'new car''kelisa, new housemates, new lecturers for this semester, with new coursemate from German(student exchange), new lifestyle and most importantly new effort and new aspiration.
For the first week of the semester, and for the first time i am being so attentive in the class. Maybe the way of those lecturers delivered their lectures effectively or my personal aspiration changed my personality. I want to have a good results for this semester. If possible i hope that i can gain a four flat. But is that possible? Some might think that i just dreaming, but who care, this my aspiration for this coming 2 years. For the sake of my self-improvement, i will work harder to achieve my goal. Having quiz for the first week of the semester is kinda surprising, but i did my revision. There will be 2 more quizzes coming next week. Preparation is the for my to achieve my goal.
What i meant by new lifestyle? New aspiration is one of the factors that changes my living style. Being single again is also one of it. Somehow when you were not single turned single, you might feel some kind of loneliness, but i don't have the mood to change my status. Just need some friends who really can understand me and talk to me, and lean his/her ears to me. I wish i could find someone in my uni. At the moment none can do so, all are just friends who looking for your help or seeking benefits from you. Some even worst, trying to pull you down, uninspired you. It's kind of tough for me, especially when you tried to be truly yourself and helping sincerely. They are humans, even your pal next to you try to fail your effort. Seem like being myself isn't easy for me, coz no matter what you are doing, they will look for your mistake. Waking up early and sleep early seem to be a healthy lifestyle, but the worst thing is a sleep most of the time, i old bad habit, i tried to eliminate it, but it staying at the home doing nothing, with no friend, what else you can do. of course sleep la.
Aspiration is there, but to achieve it, i need to pass through all those hindrance in front me. I wish i could do so. Perharp someone can stay beside me when i pass through my life. I wish...

My Camera! 2!!!

I hate you! from a friend turned foe. That what I wanna to say the one holding my camera without returning it to me. Whether unintentionally or intentionally, I jus wanna my camera back. I don’t know why he/she keep my camera without returning me for months. That selfishness bring suffering to others. My mum can’t have my camera for her Bangkok trip, I will not have the chance to take photos in this coming incovar. I know that person is rich enough to have each of the family members have at least a camera, but I am different. I couldn’t do so. I also don’t understand why he/she have a camera, yet he/she wanna to lean my camera.

A friend turned foe when he/she start attacking you with harsh words, sarcasms, ridiculous actions. I wonder this friendship meant? Nothing? Or something? Or everything? I don’t know. Leave it to the wise one to answer it. Or maybe the holy one!!!

Guess I got no choice, I should directly ask his/her parents to get back my camera. Maybe that will be easier for me to get my camera back. Soon…..i will…..since I got no other option to have my hard earned camera back

My Camera!!!!

It has been months since my camera left me. Lean to someone. But still not returned... Is kinda of suffer when your beloved and frequent use camera left you. A lot of small little sence shot you wanna to take but you just can't. Having a camera is hard for me, and having a good camera even harder for me. Gain my u750 Olympus with with one and a half month salary earned from the working time at genting. I really precious it, handle it with care. But somehow it's not with me. It's kind of missing when your thing belong to you yet you can't get it back. Some people might think that my camera just a cheap useless camera. But let me tell ya, that i am not rich to have one new, i don't even have a handphone with camera. So i really need it, desperately esspecially the very moment you wanna to capture. Due to selfishness, sarcasm, frustration i couldn't get my belonging. Maybe the one holding my camera think i deserve it. For the sake of my action, i should receive some punishment. But me myself, deep in my heart i feel no guilt. Because i done nothing wrong. i speak no harsh word even that person do that to me. Not that i am holy, sometime, enough mean enough. Some people just looking backward, hating everyone and blaming everyone in the world.

Camera, camera. when will you return to me. My mom keep asking me, where is the camera, she wanna to take it to Bangkok(her vacation). I keep on giving excuses, don't know what to do. But i really need that. The worst part is my mum don't want use other people camera, because i told her i wanna to lean lik keong's carema for her trip. She say," if spoil how? i don't want owe people"Haigh.... i had asked that person to return me that camera, but there is no respond.
Basically, i in deep dillema, just want to get back my belonging. but thing seem don't work pretty well. for the rich who can buy new camera should return the poor 1 who only can afford a camera the whole family. But does that person care? all i get is just the words of sarcasm. May he or she be well and happy!!! God bless him/her!!!

Maturity Period!!??

Lately I have behaving weirdly where Mervin is not Mervin. Feel like everything wrong, life sucks, loneness, and self-isolation. My senior, Wang Wang said that was the period of matuity. Period where we grow more matured. That what she said la. I don’t take 100% what she said, neither do I reject it. Just observing my feeling with what she told me. Haigh…. It have been months since my study break till now. The worst part was this kind of feeling keep on distracting even during exam. That why I worry this affect my exam results. And now, exam ended, on break. Yet it bothers me. Every single moment of mine. Sucks men… I wonder how long this will end. I almost gone mad….Argh….. Kaw meng r…..

Life never been like what we wish, I accept it. I have done what I should do, but somehow things just going another way round. Exploring deep inside myself, try to understand myself, looking for answers for myself, yet I can’t find it. If me myself can’t find the true Mervin, how he is going to explain to other people what Mervin is. Haha… funny right… if you can’t even know yourself, how you expect others to do so… But I really need care and moral support from certain people I need. But never get it…... clinging, attachment, source of my suffering…I wish I could free from it, but I know I can’t coz I am gripping on it. Letting go, is easy to be said, but hard to really let it go. Maybe I need sometime to release myself.

*ps: I am not specified it on my relationship stuff. It’s just a general statement of mine.

My UKM Family

Let me blog about four of my close friend in UKM. Everything started from the organization so call “Pesta Tanglung” and the sub of it “Bahagian Iklan dan Kewangan” in year 2006. There I met a lot of friends, but some how we sort of form a group of four or a gang la. With the combination of 3 guys and a girl. Weird isn’t it? There are people asked why you guys always together but didn’t join others? Well, this question…. Make it simple, we to gather just because we want to be together. It is impossible for you to be close with everyone right? The thing is we still in contact till now. What I meant is hanging together from time to time. In fact we have our own family dinner every week on Tuesday since last 2 years. And the same still going on. Each of us have our own story and lifestyle and at least one of them will know another one story. Basically know each other well.

Let me introduce one by one……
The first one, of course is me. Photo taken during the PT carnival 2006

next will be kian yuan. see the noob face. a photos in Genting

here come the lil boy tian khoon. He always think he is cute. LOL... though a month older than me, but he is my younger brother. Why? base on mind maturity ma. Haha...

last but not list, kian choon, my lil sister.know what, she always call me 'ah ko'. as if i am really her bro. LOL...

photographing sesion.here the photos during the PT carvinal. We ave to bring the weird cartoon around the whole dewan kajang.

celebrating mei ching birthday in stall at dewan kajang. Having pan mee that time. those are members from IK group.

this picture was taken after the PT event, so call 'qing kong yen'. sort of last gathering.

here the 2008 PT performance. with us is Elim. my college junior as well Tian khoon partner during the perfarmance. pretty right. Haha..

the four of us in Genting oppposite the Olive. atken using the mirror reflection. wonder why my sweater with tk.
wow, awesome! leng chai ler. haha the three.
choon with her weird permed hair. at skyway. on the way back.
few drama scene taken during the way back from genting.
the fighting scene. perharp 'couple fight' or 'siblings fight'.haha.. who knows
killing scene. try to push tk out from the cable car. wanna to do experiment on free fall motion.lol!
wacking the horrible one. combo punch.
basically i wanna to post more photo and arrange it in order. but i couldn't find it. missing somewhere especially photos during PTs.
this photos really remind me all our joys and happiness during the latter. really happy to know you guys. thanks for being part of my life. with your existence, make my light brighten even a little.next time i will fully post out you guys profile with comment and description.

*sorry for those in the group photos for their name not shown due to time constrain. sorry k.

Art of Vandalism

This is what I found out on the wall of my hostel room. An art of writing by the previous undergraduate who stay here before me. With the title “Indentiti”

Indentiti

Ku cuba mengenali diri ini

Siapakah aku sebenar

Tapi sehingga kini

Ku tidak tahu diriku ini

Oh Tuhan,

Bantulah diri ini

Mencari identiti aku

Yang sebenar.

Di mana aku dapat hidup

Dengan lebih gembira

Dan bahagia.

Wow, what an art. Such a meaningful poem in Malay Language. I wonder the writer wrote this by himself of copy for other source. But not bad also, sometime, while lying on the bed, you can read the poem on the wall. No wonder all the public facilities in Malaysia full with “art” Maybe the Malaysia don’t have enough paper to write or Malaysian tend to use traditional way to write as you can see in the cave.LOL!!! think about it!!