Lesson to be Learn 2(FAMILY AFFAIR)!

As a typical Chinese (baba nyonya) in Malaysia, I was binded with taboos, rules, as well the family tree. Baba Nyonya had been few generations in Malaysia, so do my family. Guess i was the 5th or 6th generation in TI(Teluk Intan),since the Chew's family moved here from Penang. Todays, if you walk around TI and bump into someone who is has the surname Chew, that mean he/she has blood related with me. He/she might be one of my distance relative. Therefore, i was grew in the atmosphere where must behave well because there were many eyes looking at you.



I remembered when i was you, during the Chinese New Year, when we visited our relative house, my dad will told us,
" Please greet when you meet someone and remember to behave yourself in others people house."
"If not, next time I won't bring you all out"
That was the standard phrases he uttered out every time we had a visit.

When i was young, i didn't understand why dad was so strict to me compare to my cousins. I always been scolded when i did a minor mistake. At that time, i thought that he hate me, he don't like me.
As time passed, I have grown, and my perception changed, i finally understood the reason. It's not that he hate me, but he love me. Because he knew that when we were in others people house, there were eyes looking for our faults and there were mouth that start talking, and start judging us.

Since my family is such a big family, where everyone is related to you. Here come the conflict part. As i mention before, i am a pleaser. So, i tend to please people who carry the status relative.
Let us for get the past, let me focus on the recent incident.


On the middle of the February, i received a message through Facebook, it was a message from my cousin in New Zeland.

Cousin:Mervin, I will be in Malaysia on the 5th. Will you be in KL or Teluk Intan then?Can you give me your mobile number again please?
(So i checked the calender as well my time table.And then replied him.)

Me:You mean on the March 5th,on Thursday? I will be in KL. And i am having lecture on the
afternoon. My mobile number is +6017-5721882.So you will be back together with you sister?
Cousin:Yes, I will be in KL on the 5th, my plan lands at 2PM. What time does your lecture finish? Will be giving you a call later on in the week or next week.
(He just answer my 1st question)
Me:Around that time. Which airport are you landing?Give a call for further arrangement.

A week later he called me.
Me: Hello!
Cousin:Hello, Mervin, C**** ** here.
Me:Oh yes, so how's you arrangement?
Cousin: I will be back to Malaysia on the 5th, there arrival should be around 2 something. Are you free that time?
Me: I am having class until 2pm. I will probably pick you up by 3pm.
Cousin: That is OK for me.
(Later he continue) By the way, can you please buy be a bus ticket to somewhere to the border
of Thailand.
Me: Let me check the schedule for you later.Meanwhile check which part of Thailand you want
go?
Cousin: OK. I will contact you later, either through phone call or Facebook.

Few days later, on the Facebook

Cousin:Have you managed to look at the bus schedules to Thailand?Looking at google maps, there seems to be a highway (E1?) which leads to the border of Thailand. Goes from KL, past Teluk Intan to Thailand.Would that be the best route to take?

(I was surprise with that message, he didn't even tell me where want to go yey he is asking me which one is the best route)
Me:you still haven't give me the location you wanna to stop. Which part of Thailand border? Which state? Which city/town? Please do inform me.

Few days later one of his friend in Malaysia called me. His name was Albert. Well, i didn't really get any information from him, as if he don't know anything, and all i got was he wanted me to bus a ticket for C**** ** to Hatyai.
At least i know the location for me the check the schedule.

So, i went to Hentian Kajang(A bus station near my Uni) to search for the words Hatyai. And i finally found it. Unfortunately the ticket counter was closed.
So, i went for the second time, luckily it was open.So i asked the lady at the counter. And she told me that ticket can be bought here, but the bus will depart at Puduraya. For Thursday night, the bus will be 10.30pm and Friday morning will be 9.30 am.
I didn't buy it at that time because i don't know which day will be the best. So i tried to call his friend Albert, but somehow, his clever friend off his hp all there time. I made 8 calls, and all calls failed to reach him.

Few days laterC**** ** called.

Cousin: So how is the arrangement?
Me: I checked the schedule. There will be bus at Thursday, 10.30pm and Friday 9,30am. So which time do you prefer? Thursday night or Friday morning?
Cousin: Then buy the Friday ticket. And my fight will reach airport around 2 something.
Me: Ok. see you then.

Later, i went to Hentian and bought the ticket.
Me: Akak, bagi saya tiket ke Hatyai, 5 haribulan 3.Pagi
Lady: Berapa?
Me:Satu. Pukul berapa kak?
Lady: 9.30 am
Me: Berapa kak?
Lady: RM57
(I open up my wallet and took out a RM50 note and a RM10 note)
Lady: Tak ade duit kecil ke?
Me: (showing her me wallet) Tak de la.
(Then the lady took back the ticket from me and then return back my RM10)
Lady: You pergi beli ape-ape la kat kedai, pastu tukar duit kecil. Nanti datang ambil.
(WTF! what kind of service is that, but no choice, i went to the near by stall and bought a waffer to get a change and went back to the ticket counter to get the ticket)

On the evening, i called my mum.

Me: C**** ** said that he is coming back this 5th of March.
Mum: Mmm, he called you?
Me: No through internet. And i will fetch him at KLIA
Mum: (with high tone) What, you promise to fetch him? Don't you having class on that day?Are you too free?
Me: That time i just finish my class.
Mum: Why you must the one who fectch him? He got so many uncles in KL. He should call them instead you.
Me: That time is working hour, maybe they are not free.
Mum: I thought you said that you got a lot of assignment to do. Why do you just reject his request? Later if you got problem, don't come and complain.
Me: I am just informing you. Not asking you permission. He already ask, how i am suppose to say no?
Mum: Then you settle it your own.
(Conversation ended. I know mum angry not because i helped my cousin, just because he scared that i been used by others. Since the beginning, my parents don't have good impression toward them. Every time they came back sure bring along their problems to us.)

On the 5th of March.
This morning i turn on my computer, check my mail and somehow i opened up my facebook, there was a message from C**** ** then written
"royal brunei has changed my flight, I am now flying malaysian airlines - mh130 - which departs 14:15 nzt."
What is that suppose to mean? Is his flight forwarded or delayed? i don't know. Given me the departure in time, how i am suppose to know when is your arrival and wha tis time in Malaysia.
I realized that all his messages short and incomplete. He expecting everyone know what he was planning. Sigh.... such an age, yet doing such irresponsible thing.

Well, i waited till 2pm, and i still yet to receive any call. I was wondering what i should do. Should i just wait him at the airport? or i should just wait for his call? For your info, i need 1 drive to reach KLIA.
Luckily i didn't wait him at the airport. Because i didn't received calls from him. Later, i called my uncle at TI if he got any news about him, and the answer was negative.

It's already 7.00pm, so i went out with my coursemate for dinner. Once we finished our dinner around 8.45pm, i received a call. It was from C**** **.

Cousin: Mervin, i reached KLIA.
Me: (a bit surprise) Ok, then i am coming now to fetch you. About an hour.
Cousin:( with a bit frustrated tone) What an hour? Don't i told you the time,in the Facebook?
Me: (WTF! Kinda frustrated) You just told me you changed the plane. How i suppose to know?
Cousin: Ok, then wait you there.
( I was so angry with his attitude, as if i owe him. His stupidity with unclear messages expect me to understand what he is trying to say. Yet i still have to control my emotion drive to the KLIA and fetch him.

At the arrival of the airport, fetched him up.
Me:In you mesage you just told me the time you depart,how i suppose to know when you reach?
Cousin: When i was sending you the message, the airport annouced last-call so i didn't manage to finish my message
(with few second pause) The flight from NZ to here is 12 hours and there were 5 hours different between Malaysia and New Zeland.
The way he said, as if do not want to admit his fault. I was wondering, why don't you message it earlier or just give me a call. Sigh... feeling pointless to argue with such people, I didn't continue the conversation.

That night, he stayed at my room, Had his bath, then he went to sleep. I was rushing for my project, so i went out to continue doing my stuff. 1 am, feeling tired, i stopped doing my working, went to my room, once i opened the room, i sensed a smell, a smell which not belong to me. I was not really comfortable with it, but at least, i still can bear with it. Once i was on bed, i heard the snoring sound. Maybe because i was too tired, i able to ignored it and continue sleeping.

6am, i woke up, continue with my project. By 7.20 am, i want C**** ** up. He got up, 10 minutes later.Around 8.00am we leaved to room to KTM.Before that, he leaved me a big luggage bag with some stuff inside, and say " This are for you all" I was wondering who did he meant "you all",but who cares, i don't want any of it.That day, the train was late again, i was suppose to reach by 8.23am, but reached about 8.42am. At the end, we just manage to reach bus station 4 minutes before 9.30am. Due to time time, i asked him to get into the bus first, while i went to the nearest stall to buy him some bread and a bottle of water and passed it to him. Then i went back to uni because i am having class at 12pm. For the whole process, i never get a word of thank you from him. From all the time i wasted and all the money i spent, i get no return, even the bus ticket. In the end, i just used my own pocket money to pay all his expenses. Agrh... this month, i have to be a bit stingly coz i am missing out 1/6 of my monthly pocket money.

Things didn't ended there. By 1pm, his sister sms me, asking me about the luggage. Just like my parents expectation, they sure leave some troublefor you to solve, just like Hokkien phrase " Leave a piece of shit for you to clear"

On the next day,Saturday, C**** ** mum called

Aunt: Mervin, did C**** ** leave a bag at your house?
Me: Yes, why?
Aunt: Then when are you going back to TI?
Me: Mmm, actually i am not going back, but my mum coming over this 12th of March, so i will pass over to her
Aunt: Oh, i see, then when she will be back to TI? Afternoon? or Night?
Me: I don't know. Let me ask my mum 1st.
Aunt: OK. Then you are when is she going back TI.

Well, now i am 100% clear that the "you all" did not mean us. Maybe someone else.
Then, i called my mum.

Me: Mother, you are coming up on the 12th right? Aaron's SPM result will be on the 12th right?
Mum: Yes. Why?
Me: Hehe, the luggage C**** ** leave here. Just now his mum called me. She was asking when are you going back TI
Mum: See, i told you, they sure leave some shit for you to clear.
Me: Ya la. So what time you will be going back TI?
Mum: I not sure. I still not sure what time will you brother's result will be out. Just tell them you don't know.
Me: OK. If they need it urgently, i will ask them to come by themselve and that it.

Again, i call her back.

Aunt Bee: Hello? who's on the line?
Me: Is me, Mervin
Aunt Bee: Yes? Why?
Me: I wanna to talk to AhMgeh( a calling)
Aunt Bee: Just talk out, they can hear you.(What!!! she is turning on the loud speaker)
Me: Ah Mgeh
Aunt: Mervin, how?
Me: My mum said that she is not sure what time she will reach TI(Teluk Intan) on the 12th.
Aunt: On the 12th will be too late. How about you come to 4-Check's house (my 4th uncle) for dinner, i TREAT you
Me: (i straight a way) No. I cannot, i am doing my assignment. I not free to go.
(Deep in my heart, no matter what you treat me, i not intended to go.)
Aunt: How long your place to here?
Me: About an hour plus.
Aunt: If that, then just pass it on the 12th. What to do.
Me: OK. Bye.

Lesson to be Learn:
1) Try not to be a pleaser.
2) Understand a person character before you give a hand.
3) Becareful when you offer help.
4) The only genuine people to offer you help will be only your mum,dad, and siblings.
5) Some friend or relative meant nothing,they just using you as their tool.

Life full of experiences, you will know when you experience it yourself.
If you never experience it, you will never know.
From experiences, i grown, i learned, and i took my path.