Money!

People say if you keep on imagine something, one day what your imagination will come true. They say that human mind generate wave to fulfill what we wish. Once our frequency same as the world frequency, thing that you imagine will turn real. Really?
How true is it, i don't know. But somehow i wish what i wished.

Recently i am practicing a method of happiness, every morning, once i open my eye, i will tell myself "i will be happy." As if it was a habit, somehow i will tell myself that phrase once i woke up. I don't know whether it help or not. But a least i am not unhappy at that moment. When it's bed time, my mood changed. Every night, when i was about to sleep, emptiness will surround me, as if i need a companion, but at the end what accompanied me was the loneliness.

I don't blame anyone for that, it just because i am deluded, i don't dare to face the reality, i am not courage enough to accept me identity, the true of me. Wearing a mask is ain't easy for me. But i really can't unmask it, i don't want to lose all things thati am having now. I don't want to lose any connection i have made. Nothing is perfect, when you want to gain something, you must give up something. Sigh...

Lately, i have been given i light of hope, a chance to be in Germany end of next year. I have given up what i need to give up. I have done what i need to do. And now i am depending the light of hope. I am very scared that the hope will turned up to be disappointment. I am not the one who believe in faith or depend on faith, but in certain situation, you really can't do anything, what you can do is wait for the result.

To be in Germany for my final degree is not the only purpose. I want o see the outside world, i want to be abroad, i want to travel, AND i want to find myself. I want to find what the thing i really need. I am looking at the surrounding, looking in myself, but i can't get the answer. Perhaps, the answer is there, and i just need to study and think in a different manner.
Life....