Thing that I missed!

Since the day i make up my mind to be in Germany end of next year(only if everything goes smooth), I do actually made a number of sacrifices. I do actual practicing the concept of "loss and gain". as well the "pain and pleasure". Though i am always in the positive thought, but somehow there are time that you uninspired, feel a lot of pain, suffering which might ended up change in mind. Sigh....., I do always tell myself, "don't think what you loss ,but think what you gained" It seem easy to say and understand the meaning, but when i come in to practice, nothing is easy.
To follow the path of oneself determination is not that simple, and to walked the path alone is almost impossible. Been discouraged by the losses, disappointment, and loneliness, you barely can take a step forward.

Until today, there are 10 most important things that i really can't afford to give up, but i had given it up.
1) Time- the most precious thing in life, i used up all my time for the German class.
2) Holidays- the only 2 weeks of holidays ended up in the German class going nowhere.
3) Home- home sweet home, it have been months since the last time. Probably 2-3 months.
4) Energy- this intensive class really intense me. A whole day class + homework + revision.Sigh..
5) Money- i really hate this problem. I wish i can find a solution for this. I really need it.
6) Yumcha- no holidays = no yumcha, coz i can't go back.
7) Weekend- As if i work 7 days a week. I am missing out of break.
8) Life- I almost missing out of live.Live as an uni student.It's almost lifeless to me.
9) Incovar- that's what i just missed recently. I really wanna to go.
10) Myself- live changing, i am not myself anymore.

Things that i disappointed
1) Self-satisfaction- sometime, no matter how hard you try, you just fail to get what you want.
2) Self-limitation- whenever you do thing, there is a limit that you can't surpass it.
3) Live- sometime you always ended up with an unwanted situation. Perhaps that's karma.
4) Administration- you are doing your part,somehow there are jerks that won't do their parts.
5) Surrounding- there are always people that discouraged you, trying to pull you down.

Lone ranger. Such a nice word introduced by the present MCA chief, but indeed i shared the same path.
Striving, and struggling that's what i am doing now. For the sake of my goal, my aim. For unknown future.
Just like the dhamma speaker said, "life is just like a driver driving a car in the dark road, with the car light, he have a 1om sight, and with that short sight, he continue to move forward. How if i extend the story with a question, " Is there any difference if the driver driving alone or with a passanger?", Yes, i know that the well-determined driver will keep driving, but really matter is process in the duration from the driver start driving till he reached his destination. Life is not about the beginning or the ending, but about the process.
For the above question, i say yes. There is a difference, but there is another question popped out, "Who is the passanger?" Somehow, in life there are people 3 type of beings, a friend, a foe, or a neutral. Of course you will choose the first type, friend. But, that give rise to another question, "You are his friend, or he is your friend, or you both are friends?"
Complicated right, why must i make it so complicated? Can't we just ignored all those stuff, and simplified everything? I wish i could, but that's the life. Not the life of others, but it's my life.

I have choosen my path,
I am taking my path,
I am heading to my path,
and I just wish i am not alon in my path.
Can i?