K, now talking about hope!
As usual, I never let anyone to control my destiny. For me, only I myself can choose my path. So, the word “hope” hardly comes across to my world. And I don’t really believe in hope, because this word always brings me disappointment at the end of the day.
Recently, again I have been given a hope by the Reader’s Digest, a monetary hope, a hope that can fulfill my wishes. These letters come just in time, I the time where I need financial aid for my final year degree in Germany as well some others things.
I actually don’t really believe it, but the way the written they letter, the contents make me have a “hope” that I never expect. I have been told that I have been selected to join a contest which make up only 2% in Selangor and get a very high chance to win it. It’s say that the letter for the contest will reach in few days, and it’s been a week since the last letter. The hope is fading. I do wish for a fulfilled hope, but for an empty hope, I rather don’t want to have any of it. I don’t know how true the letter is, just wait and see. I don’t want to place high expectation on it, coz I might ended up with another disappointment.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Chistmas Gift!?
Christmas over. But the happening part was not the day of it; it was the day before the Christmas eve. In fact this celebration is just an additional event for me. Yes the 24th of December, the day where my result was out. I don’t know it was a good wake up gift for me or the worst gift I ever received.
At least at the moment I checked me result, I take it as the worst gift ever. I got the worst result ever, the worst in the whole 2 and the half years in university. It was below 3. That’s the horrible thing I ever imagine.
I remember few days back, where I saw a bunch of my coursemates were at the Dean’s office. Why? They are those who got below 3(GPA), and need to register for the approval on any additional unit taken. At that moment, I ask myself, is that hard to get above 3? Why so many of them get such result? But the moment I get my own result, I was stunt. As if I am switching position. I was standing the same position they were standing for the unit addition application. I don’t know what to do. Or you could say there is nothing I can do to change the result. It’s suck.
Putting aside, I keep telling myself, “ this is a wake up call for myself, a warning for me to start work hard on my studies” I do always keep on thinking in a positive way, telling myself “tomorrow will be a better day” That what I am telling myself every morning when I wake up “ may I be well and happy today”. But somehow, I yet to be given a positive answer. Perhaps someday…
At least at the moment I checked me result, I take it as the worst gift ever. I got the worst result ever, the worst in the whole 2 and the half years in university. It was below 3. That’s the horrible thing I ever imagine.
I remember few days back, where I saw a bunch of my coursemates were at the Dean’s office. Why? They are those who got below 3(GPA), and need to register for the approval on any additional unit taken. At that moment, I ask myself, is that hard to get above 3? Why so many of them get such result? But the moment I get my own result, I was stunt. As if I am switching position. I was standing the same position they were standing for the unit addition application. I don’t know what to do. Or you could say there is nothing I can do to change the result. It’s suck.
Putting aside, I keep telling myself, “ this is a wake up call for myself, a warning for me to start work hard on my studies” I do always keep on thinking in a positive way, telling myself “tomorrow will be a better day” That what I am telling myself every morning when I wake up “ may I be well and happy today”. But somehow, I yet to be given a positive answer. Perhaps someday…
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Money!
People say if you keep on imagine something, one day what your imagination will come true. They say that human mind generate wave to fulfill what we wish. Once our frequency same as the world frequency, thing that you imagine will turn real. Really?
How true is it, i don't know. But somehow i wish what i wished.
Recently i am practicing a method of happiness, every morning, once i open my eye, i will tell myself "i will be happy." As if it was a habit, somehow i will tell myself that phrase once i woke up. I don't know whether it help or not. But a least i am not unhappy at that moment. When it's bed time, my mood changed. Every night, when i was about to sleep, emptiness will surround me, as if i need a companion, but at the end what accompanied me was the loneliness.
I don't blame anyone for that, it just because i am deluded, i don't dare to face the reality, i am not courage enough to accept me identity, the true of me. Wearing a mask is ain't easy for me. But i really can't unmask it, i don't want to lose all things thati am having now. I don't want to lose any connection i have made. Nothing is perfect, when you want to gain something, you must give up something. Sigh...
Lately, i have been given i light of hope, a chance to be in Germany end of next year. I have given up what i need to give up. I have done what i need to do. And now i am depending the light of hope. I am very scared that the hope will turned up to be disappointment. I am not the one who believe in faith or depend on faith, but in certain situation, you really can't do anything, what you can do is wait for the result.
To be in Germany for my final degree is not the only purpose. I want o see the outside world, i want to be abroad, i want to travel, AND i want to find myself. I want to find what the thing i really need. I am looking at the surrounding, looking in myself, but i can't get the answer. Perhaps, the answer is there, and i just need to study and think in a different manner.
Life....
How true is it, i don't know. But somehow i wish what i wished.
Recently i am practicing a method of happiness, every morning, once i open my eye, i will tell myself "i will be happy." As if it was a habit, somehow i will tell myself that phrase once i woke up. I don't know whether it help or not. But a least i am not unhappy at that moment. When it's bed time, my mood changed. Every night, when i was about to sleep, emptiness will surround me, as if i need a companion, but at the end what accompanied me was the loneliness.
I don't blame anyone for that, it just because i am deluded, i don't dare to face the reality, i am not courage enough to accept me identity, the true of me. Wearing a mask is ain't easy for me. But i really can't unmask it, i don't want to lose all things thati am having now. I don't want to lose any connection i have made. Nothing is perfect, when you want to gain something, you must give up something. Sigh...
Lately, i have been given i light of hope, a chance to be in Germany end of next year. I have given up what i need to give up. I have done what i need to do. And now i am depending the light of hope. I am very scared that the hope will turned up to be disappointment. I am not the one who believe in faith or depend on faith, but in certain situation, you really can't do anything, what you can do is wait for the result.
To be in Germany for my final degree is not the only purpose. I want o see the outside world, i want to be abroad, i want to travel, AND i want to find myself. I want to find what the thing i really need. I am looking at the surrounding, looking in myself, but i can't get the answer. Perhaps, the answer is there, and i just need to study and think in a different manner.
Life....
Friday, December 19, 2008
Addiction?
It have been the end of second week for this semester, but I don't learn much. Who to blame? Of course myself, but partly to be blame on the unsystematic administration. No book available, the "spin"(webpage as a medium btwn lecturer and students) still not available, some lecturer absent for the first week classes so even for the 2nd week classes, worst still when some classes start during January. Everything since in mess.
The same thing come to myself, as if i am still in a holiday mood. My determination still yet to be activated. I am still lazying here and here, wasting my time. Why? Many reason, This is the month of December, the holiday month, this the beginning of the class, a easy going time, or maybe because i don't have any holidays.
I suppose to write something about addiction. But somehow i lost the mood. Maybe next time.
The same thing come to myself, as if i am still in a holiday mood. My determination still yet to be activated. I am still lazying here and here, wasting my time. Why? Many reason, This is the month of December, the holiday month, this the beginning of the class, a easy going time, or maybe because i don't have any holidays.
I suppose to write something about addiction. But somehow i lost the mood. Maybe next time.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Thing that I missed!
Since the day i make up my mind to be in Germany end of next year(only if everything goes smooth), I do actually made a number of sacrifices. I do actual practicing the concept of "loss and gain". as well the "pain and pleasure". Though i am always in the positive thought, but somehow there are time that you uninspired, feel a lot of pain, suffering which might ended up change in mind. Sigh....., I do always tell myself, "don't think what you loss ,but think what you gained" It seem easy to say and understand the meaning, but when i come in to practice, nothing is easy.
To follow the path of oneself determination is not that simple, and to walked the path alone is almost impossible. Been discouraged by the losses, disappointment, and loneliness, you barely can take a step forward.
Until today, there are 10 most important things that i really can't afford to give up, but i had given it up.
1) Time- the most precious thing in life, i used up all my time for the German class.
2) Holidays- the only 2 weeks of holidays ended up in the German class going nowhere.
3) Home- home sweet home, it have been months since the last time. Probably 2-3 months.
4) Energy- this intensive class really intense me. A whole day class + homework + revision.Sigh..
5) Money- i really hate this problem. I wish i can find a solution for this. I really need it.
6) Yumcha- no holidays = no yumcha, coz i can't go back.
7) Weekend- As if i work 7 days a week. I am missing out of break.
8) Life- I almost missing out of live.Live as an uni student.It's almost lifeless to me.
9) Incovar- that's what i just missed recently. I really wanna to go.
10) Myself- live changing, i am not myself anymore.
Things that i disappointed
1) Self-satisfaction- sometime, no matter how hard you try, you just fail to get what you want.
2) Self-limitation- whenever you do thing, there is a limit that you can't surpass it.
3) Live- sometime you always ended up with an unwanted situation. Perhaps that's karma.
4) Administration- you are doing your part,somehow there are jerks that won't do their parts.
5) Surrounding- there are always people that discouraged you, trying to pull you down.
Lone ranger. Such a nice word introduced by the present MCA chief, but indeed i shared the same path.
Striving, and struggling that's what i am doing now. For the sake of my goal, my aim. For unknown future.
Just like the dhamma speaker said, "life is just like a driver driving a car in the dark road, with the car light, he have a 1om sight, and with that short sight, he continue to move forward. How if i extend the story with a question, " Is there any difference if the driver driving alone or with a passanger?", Yes, i know that the well-determined driver will keep driving, but really matter is process in the duration from the driver start driving till he reached his destination. Life is not about the beginning or the ending, but about the process.
For the above question, i say yes. There is a difference, but there is another question popped out, "Who is the passanger?" Somehow, in life there are people 3 type of beings, a friend, a foe, or a neutral. Of course you will choose the first type, friend. But, that give rise to another question, "You are his friend, or he is your friend, or you both are friends?"
Complicated right, why must i make it so complicated? Can't we just ignored all those stuff, and simplified everything? I wish i could, but that's the life. Not the life of others, but it's my life.
I have choosen my path,
I am taking my path,
I am heading to my path,
and I just wish i am not alon in my path.
Can i?
To follow the path of oneself determination is not that simple, and to walked the path alone is almost impossible. Been discouraged by the losses, disappointment, and loneliness, you barely can take a step forward.
Until today, there are 10 most important things that i really can't afford to give up, but i had given it up.
1) Time- the most precious thing in life, i used up all my time for the German class.
2) Holidays- the only 2 weeks of holidays ended up in the German class going nowhere.
3) Home- home sweet home, it have been months since the last time. Probably 2-3 months.
4) Energy- this intensive class really intense me. A whole day class + homework + revision.Sigh..
5) Money- i really hate this problem. I wish i can find a solution for this. I really need it.
6) Yumcha- no holidays = no yumcha, coz i can't go back.
7) Weekend- As if i work 7 days a week. I am missing out of break.
8) Life- I almost missing out of live.Live as an uni student.It's almost lifeless to me.
9) Incovar- that's what i just missed recently. I really wanna to go.
10) Myself- live changing, i am not myself anymore.
Things that i disappointed
1) Self-satisfaction- sometime, no matter how hard you try, you just fail to get what you want.
2) Self-limitation- whenever you do thing, there is a limit that you can't surpass it.
3) Live- sometime you always ended up with an unwanted situation. Perhaps that's karma.
4) Administration- you are doing your part,somehow there are jerks that won't do their parts.
5) Surrounding- there are always people that discouraged you, trying to pull you down.
Lone ranger. Such a nice word introduced by the present MCA chief, but indeed i shared the same path.
Striving, and struggling that's what i am doing now. For the sake of my goal, my aim. For unknown future.
Just like the dhamma speaker said, "life is just like a driver driving a car in the dark road, with the car light, he have a 1om sight, and with that short sight, he continue to move forward. How if i extend the story with a question, " Is there any difference if the driver driving alone or with a passanger?", Yes, i know that the well-determined driver will keep driving, but really matter is process in the duration from the driver start driving till he reached his destination. Life is not about the beginning or the ending, but about the process.
For the above question, i say yes. There is a difference, but there is another question popped out, "Who is the passanger?" Somehow, in life there are people 3 type of beings, a friend, a foe, or a neutral. Of course you will choose the first type, friend. But, that give rise to another question, "You are his friend, or he is your friend, or you both are friends?"
Complicated right, why must i make it so complicated? Can't we just ignored all those stuff, and simplified everything? I wish i could, but that's the life. Not the life of others, but it's my life.
I have choosen my path,
I am taking my path,
I am heading to my path,
and I just wish i am not alon in my path.
Can i?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
End of The" Holiday"!
Wow, just a glimpse of eye, the 2 week of holiday just passed. I really couldn't feel it. Somehow it was too fast for me. Bonded with the German intensive class, i could barely go out. The most i could do is only a show. Sigh... That's the life. Because of these classes, i can't even feel that today is actually Sunday. Weekday or weekend make no different to me. Tomorrow will be the our new semester. I promise myself that this semester will be a turning point for me. The time for me to fulfill what i promised for myself. Sometimes i do hate myself. I don't know why i am able to fulfilled all the promises i made to others but not to myself. I keep telling myself," it's the time for you to give yourself an achievement" but somehow thing didn't work as planned. Why? I am also asking the same question. LOL!
Previously i viewed Bro Oh blog and i saw his Food for Thought which consist of 4 groups:
1) Pain & Pleasure
2) Loss & Gain
3) Blame & Praise
4) Dishonor & Honor
Somehow i am current understand the first 3 groups, and practicing the first 2 groups. Even though i am just practicing only the 2 of its, i do find it hard to fully practice it. Sometime my laziness overwhelmed myself. The 3rd group, hard for me to practice, maybe because my short tempered character as well my stupid big mouth. Somehow, i wish i am mute. Coz sometime i couldn't control it. Only those who close enough to me can stand with it. Though i normally seen as a good quite boy, but when i am with my "friends", my nature appeared. sigh... "A friend in need, is a friend indeed". Haha... i hardly can define the word friend. Warum sage ich das? "Das sage ich lieber nicht. Was sagst du? Was bedeutet 'Freund,? Ich verstehe nicht.
The 4th group. I don't how to practice it.LOL!
Today, Frau Maria asked what my daily rountine, and somehow i do told her that sometimes i spent my time in blogging and she suggested to write it in German. I actually had thought about it, but that time my Deutsch too weak. Aber ich will in der Januar anfangen. Am Januar fange ich mein Deutschblog an. OK?
Es ist zu spaet. Jetzt ist einundzwanzig Uhr vierzig. Ich muss meine deutsche hausaufgaben weiter.
Tschues!
Previously i viewed Bro Oh blog and i saw his Food for Thought which consist of 4 groups:
1) Pain & Pleasure
2) Loss & Gain
3) Blame & Praise
4) Dishonor & Honor
Somehow i am current understand the first 3 groups, and practicing the first 2 groups. Even though i am just practicing only the 2 of its, i do find it hard to fully practice it. Sometime my laziness overwhelmed myself. The 3rd group, hard for me to practice, maybe because my short tempered character as well my stupid big mouth. Somehow, i wish i am mute. Coz sometime i couldn't control it. Only those who close enough to me can stand with it. Though i normally seen as a good quite boy, but when i am with my "friends", my nature appeared. sigh... "A friend in need, is a friend indeed". Haha... i hardly can define the word friend. Warum sage ich das? "Das sage ich lieber nicht. Was sagst du? Was bedeutet 'Freund,? Ich verstehe nicht.
The 4th group. I don't how to practice it.LOL!
Today, Frau Maria asked what my daily rountine, and somehow i do told her that sometimes i spent my time in blogging and she suggested to write it in German. I actually had thought about it, but that time my Deutsch too weak. Aber ich will in der Januar anfangen. Am Januar fange ich mein Deutschblog an. OK?
Es ist zu spaet. Jetzt ist einundzwanzig Uhr vierzig. Ich muss meine deutsche hausaufgaben weiter.
Tschues!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Das Leben der Anderen
This movie was introduced by my German lecturer. Overall the movies was awesome. The translated title "The Life of Others".What make the movie interesting is the story line as well the meaning behind the title.
Though it was last year movie, but i don't think many of us have watched this movie. Is recommended.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Europe in Malaysia!
On the Sunday(30th Nov), we went to a Christmas Bazaar in KL Pac,Sentul Park. Not an ordinary bazaar. It called "Austrian-German-Swiss Bazaar 2008). By the name, you can clearly know that it was for European in Malaysia.
Forget about how we reached there, or what we had went through to be there.LOL! You guys just need to know what happened in the bazaar. When we were at the entrance, gosh.... you couldn't imagine that you actually in Malaysia. There were fulled with European, as if we were the foreigner there. LOL! Only or skin look different that others. Guess i don't need to talk much. Picture will do the talking
Inside the building.Place where Christmas cookies were sold.
Here stall main stalls. Sell a lot of Christmas needs, Oh ya, We bought the Gruesswein from there.
With Aik Loon, the picture actually aime on the girls behind us.LOL!
With Tien Chang, he is holding the Gruehwien.
In the bazaar with my entrance ticket. My face a bit reddish due to the wien effect.LOL!
The Christmas candle!
The side will of the building form the outside.
The sentul park sign with the reflection from the water in the lake.
Photo with Herr and Frau Trenaman
All Males!
"The Family Photo!"
LOL!
The small little Christmas tree
This staircase, always seen it TV. it's unique!
Forget about how we reached there, or what we had went through to be there.LOL! You guys just need to know what happened in the bazaar. When we were at the entrance, gosh.... you couldn't imagine that you actually in Malaysia. There were fulled with European, as if we were the foreigner there. LOL! Only or skin look different that others. Guess i don't need to talk much. Picture will do the talking
Inside the building.Place where Christmas cookies were sold.
Here stall main stalls. Sell a lot of Christmas needs, Oh ya, We bought the Gruesswein from there.
With Aik Loon, the picture actually aime on the girls behind us.LOL!
With Tien Chang, he is holding the Gruehwien.
Stuff that been sell, kinda "cute"
In the bazaar with my entrance ticket. My face a bit reddish due to the wien effect.LOL!
The Christmas candle!
The side will of the building form the outside.
The sentul park sign with the reflection from the water in the lake.
Photo with Herr and Frau Trenaman
All Males!
"The Family Photo!"LOL!
The small little Christmas tree
This staircase, always seen it TV. it's unique!Saturday, November 29, 2008
Light in the Darkness!
Imagine when you lost your way. You lost your sight. And you facing obstacles that stopped to continue you journey. You are living in the dark. You lost everything! But please bear in mind, that when the world is turned upside down, the moment the you lost everything, please do not give up. Because at that moment, you will see a light that will guide you to your path. And this is very true, and this was the thing i experienced.
Last thursday i applied for an internship in a company through jobstreet. i applied it in the late morning, and i got a call on the evening that requested me to attend an interview 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. That time, i was totally unprepared, but somehow i agreed to attend the interview. On that day, i actually went to jusco with my friend for dinner and bought some gloserries, so by the time i reached home were almost 10pm. I got to search for the details of the company as well the location. The location was the thing that make me headache, i called few of my friends for direction as well search the google earth, and at last..... I took LRT to the place. What the ****
Ok. On the interview day, i do actually woke up by 5.45am. Get more information about the company, as well get ready my resume and cert. Supposely the company contact person said that she will mail me the map to her company, but somehow she didn't. She told me that she forgotten(what?) and she not even inform me what to be bring for the interview, so i have to prepare everything of in-case situation. I parked my can near the KTM in UKM area around 7.30am. Took the train to KL central, holy shit, the train was full, so i ended up stand for about 45minutes in the train. Reached KL central about 8.20, went to McD, had a hot coffee and breakfast. By 8.35am, i took train to Asia Jaya, the nearest station to the company and the train just took 15 minutes to reach. It's just 8.55am. I still have an hour plus before the interview, so i bought a news paper and read it at the bus stop till 9.15am. And somehow, the company is so near that it took less than 5 minutes for the taxi driver to get me there. Shit, it still too early. No choice, i ended up spent my remaining time in an mamak stall opposite the company. LOL!
The 9.50am, i reached the company.
I had my interview for about 30minutes plus. The content, i would not elaborate. Overall, my performance is ok, yet still got the room for improvement. At the end of the interview, i was requested to summit a letter from my university to verify that i am taking internship as well my referee contact numbers and email to them latest by Wednesday.
The only problem i am facing is the letter from UKM, immediately after my interview, i went to meet my internship coodinator, i went to his room twice, but failed to meet him. So, ended up, i email him for an appointment.
On Monday morning, i recieved his reply and requested me to meet a clerk in Denn's office. So went to the denn office, but they inform me that the clerk in-charge was not there. The thing that make me frustrated is the service in the denn's office, whenever i went there, i have to wait at least 5 to 10 minutes to get myself attended. The people there just take you as something transparent. They just pretend as you are not there until you wait such a long period... Haigh... that the progress made by Malaysian, a modern country, with latest technology, but sad to say uncivilized and irresponsible citizen.Esspecially the government servant.
Ok, we go to next day, again i went the denn office during the short break of german class, yet half of the break time spent just waited to be attend, sigh..., this time, she was around, but she told me that the Coordinatior in-charge were not in.(what the....) then she gave an option, either to wait till tommorow, when the coordinator is back, or look for a lecturer to sign on behalf. So, i choosed the second option, she wasted my time, where she just want to start typing the letter, by that time, my break ended, and the lecturer continued his lesson. When she done the letter she asked to look for a particular lecturer from chemical department, that time, i was arealdy late for the class, so i rush to the chemical department but i failed to find the lecturer room. So ended up i have to look for each and every of the lecturer room, and finally i found it, he is not from chemical department, but actually the electrical department. (what... really gonna to curse her!!!) By the time i reach there, i handed up the letter for signature, he refused to sign, because there was an typo error in the letter for the date of my internship(shit men). I i ran down back to the denn, told her about the mistake and said that i will be back for the letter tomorrow before noon, coz i am really late for my german class.I told the incident to my friend, and he told me just forget about the application coz i just need to wait for my scholarship company to give me a place for internship program. I didn't stop what i am doing, just because of that.
So, the nextday, Wednesday, again i went to the denn's office during my lunch break. This time everyone is there. But another problem occur, the Head of Coordinator refused to sign.Sigh.... The clerk told me that i cannot applied for any internship myself, any application my go through university. (oh, i almost at my limit) Somehow, my coordinator for my department who emailed me still yet in UKM. She told me that till they get clarification from my department coordinator,i will not get the letter. So, i ask her when? She just told me to be at denn's office around 3pm. And i was there at that time. And finally, it's done. It was the clerk mistake, instead a verification letter, she made a application letter which cause the Head coordinator refused to sign it. Haigh...
I immediately rush back home for email her the letter. For the first time, the mail was bounced back due to her inbox was full, i called her, and emailed her for the 2nd time, less than 15minutes after i mail it, she called me and requested me to pick my appointment letter by next day morning.
Such a long journey, such a mess. But at last it paid off with an offer. Which mean what i have done is not wasted. Though at last i rejected the offer, but i realized that determination is the key. Do whatever you can, and you will get a deserving result at the end.
Last thursday i applied for an internship in a company through jobstreet. i applied it in the late morning, and i got a call on the evening that requested me to attend an interview 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. That time, i was totally unprepared, but somehow i agreed to attend the interview. On that day, i actually went to jusco with my friend for dinner and bought some gloserries, so by the time i reached home were almost 10pm. I got to search for the details of the company as well the location. The location was the thing that make me headache, i called few of my friends for direction as well search the google earth, and at last..... I took LRT to the place. What the ****
Ok. On the interview day, i do actually woke up by 5.45am. Get more information about the company, as well get ready my resume and cert. Supposely the company contact person said that she will mail me the map to her company, but somehow she didn't. She told me that she forgotten(what?) and she not even inform me what to be bring for the interview, so i have to prepare everything of in-case situation. I parked my can near the KTM in UKM area around 7.30am. Took the train to KL central, holy shit, the train was full, so i ended up stand for about 45minutes in the train. Reached KL central about 8.20, went to McD, had a hot coffee and breakfast. By 8.35am, i took train to Asia Jaya, the nearest station to the company and the train just took 15 minutes to reach. It's just 8.55am. I still have an hour plus before the interview, so i bought a news paper and read it at the bus stop till 9.15am. And somehow, the company is so near that it took less than 5 minutes for the taxi driver to get me there. Shit, it still too early. No choice, i ended up spent my remaining time in an mamak stall opposite the company. LOL!
The 9.50am, i reached the company.
I had my interview for about 30minutes plus. The content, i would not elaborate. Overall, my performance is ok, yet still got the room for improvement. At the end of the interview, i was requested to summit a letter from my university to verify that i am taking internship as well my referee contact numbers and email to them latest by Wednesday.
The only problem i am facing is the letter from UKM, immediately after my interview, i went to meet my internship coodinator, i went to his room twice, but failed to meet him. So, ended up, i email him for an appointment.
On Monday morning, i recieved his reply and requested me to meet a clerk in Denn's office. So went to the denn office, but they inform me that the clerk in-charge was not there. The thing that make me frustrated is the service in the denn's office, whenever i went there, i have to wait at least 5 to 10 minutes to get myself attended. The people there just take you as something transparent. They just pretend as you are not there until you wait such a long period... Haigh... that the progress made by Malaysian, a modern country, with latest technology, but sad to say uncivilized and irresponsible citizen.Esspecially the government servant.
Ok, we go to next day, again i went the denn office during the short break of german class, yet half of the break time spent just waited to be attend, sigh..., this time, she was around, but she told me that the Coordinatior in-charge were not in.(what the....) then she gave an option, either to wait till tommorow, when the coordinator is back, or look for a lecturer to sign on behalf. So, i choosed the second option, she wasted my time, where she just want to start typing the letter, by that time, my break ended, and the lecturer continued his lesson. When she done the letter she asked to look for a particular lecturer from chemical department, that time, i was arealdy late for the class, so i rush to the chemical department but i failed to find the lecturer room. So ended up i have to look for each and every of the lecturer room, and finally i found it, he is not from chemical department, but actually the electrical department. (what... really gonna to curse her!!!) By the time i reach there, i handed up the letter for signature, he refused to sign, because there was an typo error in the letter for the date of my internship(shit men). I i ran down back to the denn, told her about the mistake and said that i will be back for the letter tomorrow before noon, coz i am really late for my german class.I told the incident to my friend, and he told me just forget about the application coz i just need to wait for my scholarship company to give me a place for internship program. I didn't stop what i am doing, just because of that.
So, the nextday, Wednesday, again i went to the denn's office during my lunch break. This time everyone is there. But another problem occur, the Head of Coordinator refused to sign.Sigh.... The clerk told me that i cannot applied for any internship myself, any application my go through university. (oh, i almost at my limit) Somehow, my coordinator for my department who emailed me still yet in UKM. She told me that till they get clarification from my department coordinator,i will not get the letter. So, i ask her when? She just told me to be at denn's office around 3pm. And i was there at that time. And finally, it's done. It was the clerk mistake, instead a verification letter, she made a application letter which cause the Head coordinator refused to sign it. Haigh...
I immediately rush back home for email her the letter. For the first time, the mail was bounced back due to her inbox was full, i called her, and emailed her for the 2nd time, less than 15minutes after i mail it, she called me and requested me to pick my appointment letter by next day morning.
Such a long journey, such a mess. But at last it paid off with an offer. Which mean what i have done is not wasted. Though at last i rejected the offer, but i realized that determination is the key. Do whatever you can, and you will get a deserving result at the end.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The First Week of German Class
Suppose to blog about the 2nd,3rd... day of German class , but somehow failed to make it. Guess i should summarize the whole week stuff.
Classes taught by Herr Brian. Wow, this class was totally different from Frau Maria. This was due to the personality difference in both lecturers. Herr Brian, Is kinda relax type, easy going, and the way he teaches us sometime quite messy. But overall is ok. He used the slow motion way to teach us. So called slow and steady. LOL! Oh ya, few breaks were given by him. On the other hand, Frau Maria, a strict and systematic person. Everything she teaches is in order. Well structured. No much break time..LOL! one more thing, she is not at patient as Herr Brian, sometime she will bang the table as shout. LOL! that kinda funny to us, and we us to imitate what she did. LOL! Overall, the first week class was successful and beneficial for us. Oh ya, supposedly there were 13 of us, but now remained 12 students. One just stopped. Maybe he found the German class too hard to be learn. But no matter how, i will make my effort paid off. I guess!
Classes taught by Herr Brian. Wow, this class was totally different from Frau Maria. This was due to the personality difference in both lecturers. Herr Brian, Is kinda relax type, easy going, and the way he teaches us sometime quite messy. But overall is ok. He used the slow motion way to teach us. So called slow and steady. LOL! Oh ya, few breaks were given by him. On the other hand, Frau Maria, a strict and systematic person. Everything she teaches is in order. Well structured. No much break time..LOL! one more thing, she is not at patient as Herr Brian, sometime she will bang the table as shout. LOL! that kinda funny to us, and we us to imitate what she did. LOL! Overall, the first week class was successful and beneficial for us. Oh ya, supposedly there were 13 of us, but now remained 12 students. One just stopped. Maybe he found the German class too hard to be learn. But no matter how, i will make my effort paid off. I guess!
Monday, November 24, 2008
German Class, Day 1
Supposedly wanna blog it last night, but i was too tired to do everything, so i ended up on be before 10.30pm. Our German class has 2 lecturer with is Herr Brian and Frau Maria where both are husband and wife. Basically, the 1st class was attended by Frau Maria with just 13 students. Since the numbers are small, the class was easy to be handle and she really a good lecturer. They way she taught us quite systematic and interesting, though she was kinda strict sometime. For the first class, i actually didn't learn much coz everything in the first day was just an introduction to me. Maybe because i just finished the level 3 class in UKM. But, i just take it as a revision class for me. The time is very pack, i am doubt that i have time for early revision. It was so exhausted when you have a whole day class. Guess it can't be help. I wish my effort taking this class is not wasted.
I do actually wanna to blog about the interview i had last friday as well the day of photoshop workshop plus the sjba dinner. Maybe i will just leave up that stuff and do my revision.
I do actually wanna to blog about the interview i had last friday as well the day of photoshop workshop plus the sjba dinner. Maybe i will just leave up that stuff and do my revision.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Lone Ranger!
Exam over and i just have 2 days of break. By next week i will start my german class.Saturday i am going to bgf and Sunday will be visiting my brother in RMC.
These remaining 2 days are the only precious days i had to go out as my holiday.
I suppose wanna to go out, have a movie, shopping, and perhaps clubbing or whatsoever, BUT i realized that none willing or free to be with me, at my critical moment,moment of desire.
I do realized that i do have a lots of friends, here and there, BUT they not really my sei tong or lame word best friend. Friends here just come and go. Different friends have different groups or so called geng. I do actually joined all the friends regardless of geng, and somehow i realized i am not a member in any of it. No membership,i am just a supporter or maybe visitor. LOL!
Being neutral, do give you the benefit or being mobile and flexi, but when it come to the critical moment, somehow, you will realized that you really need sei tong.
Up till now, i don't really have such person in my life. Sometime i am envy to those with such friends. Helping each others, regardless of time, reasons. Hanging out together, sharing the same interest. Having fun togather, Sharing the problem faced.
I wish i have one. But i know, i don't have any.
A am the Lone Ranger, not like what the MCA president said.
My defination of Lone Ranger means going through my path of myself alone.
These remaining 2 days are the only precious days i had to go out as my holiday.
I suppose wanna to go out, have a movie, shopping, and perhaps clubbing or whatsoever, BUT i realized that none willing or free to be with me, at my critical moment,moment of desire.
I do realized that i do have a lots of friends, here and there, BUT they not really my sei tong or lame word best friend. Friends here just come and go. Different friends have different groups or so called geng. I do actually joined all the friends regardless of geng, and somehow i realized i am not a member in any of it. No membership,i am just a supporter or maybe visitor. LOL!
Being neutral, do give you the benefit or being mobile and flexi, but when it come to the critical moment, somehow, you will realized that you really need sei tong.
Up till now, i don't really have such person in my life. Sometime i am envy to those with such friends. Helping each others, regardless of time, reasons. Hanging out together, sharing the same interest. Having fun togather, Sharing the problem faced.
I wish i have one. But i know, i don't have any.
A am the Lone Ranger, not like what the MCA president said.
My defination of Lone Ranger means going through my path of myself alone.
Exam Over!
Finally the exam over.
I should be feeling at ease or freed,but not this time, instead of it, i feel more tension. As if, today is not the ending, but the beginning.
Exam over, everything sucks.
Maybe because eveything sucks, i have forced to put up a self-determination.
Or maybe, i don't have holiday this semester. I will be starting my class as early as next Monday.
Being good isn't enough for me, being average also not my type. Bcoz, all a while i am too "ordinary", but deep in my heart, i am different.
"Doing thing as you like" is not an option for me.
In this very world where people never stop talking...I am really sick of it.
Time for me to keep on moving, stop hiding, taking my mask off, and do exactly what i wanna to do. But i know, it not going to easy.
Perhaps what my friend Choon said is correct. " You shouldn't keep responsibility, burden, and stress to yourself. This because you always feel like you the eldest, you must bear the responsibility yourself, you think you must outshine yourself......bla..bla..." And i just gave her an answer " You are not in my shoe, you won't understand me. It's complicated", then she just replied me, "then just make it simple", " sigh! told ya, you don't understand it"
Flashing back the conversation which took place 6 month ago.
Maybe she was right, i make thing too complicated.
Life is simple, so just make it plain and simple.
But, not now, i still yet to achieve what i want,
the simple life thing, still not the time yet.
Conclusion,
It's complicated, hard to be explain.LOL!
Here some pictures of moody boy( assume that i am)!
I should be feeling at ease or freed,but not this time, instead of it, i feel more tension. As if, today is not the ending, but the beginning.
Exam over, everything sucks.
Maybe because eveything sucks, i have forced to put up a self-determination.
Or maybe, i don't have holiday this semester. I will be starting my class as early as next Monday.
Being good isn't enough for me, being average also not my type. Bcoz, all a while i am too "ordinary", but deep in my heart, i am different.
"Doing thing as you like" is not an option for me.
In this very world where people never stop talking...I am really sick of it.
Time for me to keep on moving, stop hiding, taking my mask off, and do exactly what i wanna to do. But i know, it not going to easy.
Perhaps what my friend Choon said is correct. " You shouldn't keep responsibility, burden, and stress to yourself. This because you always feel like you the eldest, you must bear the responsibility yourself, you think you must outshine yourself......bla..bla..." And i just gave her an answer " You are not in my shoe, you won't understand me. It's complicated", then she just replied me, "then just make it simple", " sigh! told ya, you don't understand it"
Flashing back the conversation which took place 6 month ago.
Maybe she was right, i make thing too complicated.
Life is simple, so just make it plain and simple.
But, not now, i still yet to achieve what i want,
the simple life thing, still not the time yet.
Conclusion,
It's complicated, hard to be explain.LOL!
Here some pictures of moody boy( assume that i am)!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Last Paper!
Tomorrow will be the last paper of this semester.
Finally, at last reaching the peak of the sem.
Unfortunately no break for me.
My German class start as early as next Monday (24th Nov)
Sigh...so uninspired, yet next week is my new journey, a new start, a new determination.
Somehow i always have all sort of new effort every sem, but all the time it ended up like shit. Everything gone hanging nowhere in the middle of it.
I hope that this won't happen to me this time. Bcoz i cannot afford to loss some more. I already lagging behind. Time to chase back. Time to be the front. Covering all the past.
Hope that the past too shall pass!
Continue to strive till the end!
Here so preview on the night before the final exam!
My room!
Stress on unsolved problem!
Ultimate stress for the final day!
ps:Just for tonight, the last time for this year.LOL!
Tomorrow will the another mervin! LOL!!
Finally, at last reaching the peak of the sem.
Unfortunately no break for me.
My German class start as early as next Monday (24th Nov)
Sigh...so uninspired, yet next week is my new journey, a new start, a new determination.
Somehow i always have all sort of new effort every sem, but all the time it ended up like shit. Everything gone hanging nowhere in the middle of it.
I hope that this won't happen to me this time. Bcoz i cannot afford to loss some more. I already lagging behind. Time to chase back. Time to be the front. Covering all the past.
Hope that the past too shall pass!
Continue to strive till the end!
Here so preview on the night before the final exam!
My room!
Stress on unsolved problem!
Ultimate stress for the final day!
ps:Just for tonight, the last time for this year.LOL!
Tomorrow will the another mervin! LOL!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Comment?
Haha...
Life is weird
but there are more weirdos than me.
Lol.
Recently i found out that some weirdo keep on commenting myself.
Haha....
And.........
after that, that person felt that what he/she is doing was something wrong.
That person finally run away!Lol!
These days i am learning to "cooled down". It doesn't matter if i am frustrated or not, i keep making myself ignored thee incident.
It was kinda hard to be optimistic and it's hard to be patient at the beginning.
But, guess i able to control it now though sometime things just get u frustrated.
Haigh...
Life go on.
till the very end of the day.
Peace!
Life is weird
but there are more weirdos than me.
Lol.
Recently i found out that some weirdo keep on commenting myself.
Haha....
And.........
after that, that person felt that what he/she is doing was something wrong.
That person finally run away!Lol!
These days i am learning to "cooled down". It doesn't matter if i am frustrated or not, i keep making myself ignored thee incident.
It was kinda hard to be optimistic and it's hard to be patient at the beginning.
But, guess i able to control it now though sometime things just get u frustrated.
Haigh...
Life go on.
till the very end of the day.
Peace!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
MIddle of Exam Weeks!
3 papers down, left another 3 to go.
But, this time exam, really pulled me down.
I lost my effort.
I lost my determination.
I lost my willpower.
I lost my track.
and.....
I had myself lost!
Somehow i am too different compared to last time.
Though i am the lazy type, but at least i did my best for every last minute i had.
but not this time.
I lost the feeling of trying
Days passed, as if i am wasting my time doing unnecessary things.
I really wish i am NOT the red hat thinker.
It's so unstable
It's so uncertain
It's so hard to be control
I am running out of time,
wonder if it will stop or pause for a moment.
Though it might show the immaturity side of me.
Living in fantasy.
I wish i am.......
Time up!
Continue thermo!
But, this time exam, really pulled me down.
I lost my effort.
I lost my determination.
I lost my willpower.
I lost my track.
and.....
I had myself lost!
Somehow i am too different compared to last time.
Though i am the lazy type, but at least i did my best for every last minute i had.
but not this time.
I lost the feeling of trying
Days passed, as if i am wasting my time doing unnecessary things.
I really wish i am NOT the red hat thinker.
It's so unstable
It's so uncertain
It's so hard to be control
I am running out of time,
wonder if it will stop or pause for a moment.
Though it might show the immaturity side of me.
Living in fantasy.
I wish i am.......
Time up!
Continue thermo!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Attached!
Yes, i am attached!
Attached!
Though it seem unreachable!
The gap is always there!
But i already fall in love!
It's so perfect!
It's so natural!
It's so adorable!
It's so tempting!
I am obsessed on it!
Day dream, night dream...
Yet still far away from me.
But i really really in love.
Not the ordinary one, but the special one,
illuminating a special effect, effect that lure me into it.
Perhaps this is what we call LOVE!
Nothing is easy,
Even one day i able the gain the love one,
but...
i still need to learn
how to love the one,
how to make the one stay,
how to satisfy my obsession.
But unfortunately,
i am so incapable to reach my love one...
Not now, but i wish one day i will obtain my love...
With the hope, that the time is not too late...
Love is suffering, yet love is wholesome!
When the first time saw the lovely one,
i know i already in love,
love that always keep inside my heart bloom up,
It's so beautiful, yet so far...
* this not a poem,nor a story. But my true feeling!
To whom? it doesn't matter!
Perhaps, it's not the whom that matter,I am the one who that matter.
Attached!
Though it seem unreachable!
The gap is always there!
But i already fall in love!
It's so perfect!
It's so natural!
It's so adorable!
It's so tempting!
I am obsessed on it!
Day dream, night dream...
Yet still far away from me.
But i really really in love.
Not the ordinary one, but the special one,
illuminating a special effect, effect that lure me into it.
Perhaps this is what we call LOVE!
Nothing is easy,
Even one day i able the gain the love one,
but...
i still need to learn
how to love the one,
how to make the one stay,
how to satisfy my obsession.
But unfortunately,
i am so incapable to reach my love one...
Not now, but i wish one day i will obtain my love...
With the hope, that the time is not too late...
Love is suffering, yet love is wholesome!
When the first time saw the lovely one,
i know i already in love,
love that always keep inside my heart bloom up,
It's so beautiful, yet so far...
* this not a poem,nor a story. But my true feeling!
To whom? it doesn't matter!
Perhaps, it's not the whom that matter,I am the one who that matter.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Money!
You need something,Then you need money!
Cantonese saying "yau chin mhe hai tai sai", but if "mou lui, zhao sei lou"
Haha... Is true, money is not everything, but without money your are nothing.
Is money so important? Well,... i don't really know, but generally, almost everyone attached to the desire to seek for money. "Money not enough" from the singaporean movies.True enough, everyone need money!
Money oh money...come money..come come money... money money come!!! that what people wish.
Money! i need you!
There are a lot of thing which i need, BUT with the assist of MONEY!!!
1) I need money to eat
2) I need money for my family income
3) I need money to study in Germany
4) I need money to pay rental
5) I need money to buy books
6) I need money to buy cloth
7) I need money for traveling
8) I need money to buy camera****
9) I need money to give donation
10) I need money to help the poor one
11) I need money to survive
12) I need money to satisfy my need
13) I need money to buy present for.....
14) I need money to buy contact lens + solution
15) I need money to pay utilities bill
16) I need money fulfill my dream....
.......
.......
.......
I need money for this and that....
Well, it seem so important,but there is no short cut, there is always a sacrifices to be made. Till the end, i have to make my own choice.
Nothing perfect.
Cantonese saying "yau chin mhe hai tai sai", but if "mou lui, zhao sei lou"
Haha... Is true, money is not everything, but without money your are nothing.
Is money so important? Well,... i don't really know, but generally, almost everyone attached to the desire to seek for money. "Money not enough" from the singaporean movies.True enough, everyone need money!
Money oh money...come money..come come money... money money come!!! that what people wish.
Money! i need you!
There are a lot of thing which i need, BUT with the assist of MONEY!!!
1) I need money to eat
2) I need money for my family income
3) I need money to study in Germany
4) I need money to pay rental
5) I need money to buy books
6) I need money to buy cloth
7) I need money for traveling
8) I need money to buy camera****
9) I need money to give donation
10) I need money to help the poor one
11) I need money to survive
12) I need money to satisfy my need
13) I need money to buy present for.....
14) I need money to buy contact lens + solution
15) I need money to pay utilities bill
16) I need money fulfill my dream....
.......
.......
.......
I need money for this and that....
Well, it seem so important,but there is no short cut, there is always a sacrifices to be made. Till the end, i have to make my own choice.
Nothing perfect.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Are you really a Malaysian?
Being friendly regardless of races has been the motto or even the objective of the government, but for the past 50 years, is that objective achieved? I would say it NO, or perhaps worsen.
With the background as a student i a well-known boarding school.Living as a minority, in a multi-racial community,give me a different opinion than others.
It has been years since i left the school, though these multi-racial stuff been promoted everywhere even in the UKM itself, but the problem is, that jerk not really doing their duty, they promoting this stuff for the sake of power, name,....that mean the intention is wrong, with wrong intention, for sure this goal can't be achieved even after another 50 years. Impossible.
Even the above achieved, but if the mentality of the Malaysian did not change, the result will still the same. Coz there is the "perception" among races. There Chinese always think that they were not treated fairly, even think that the others races should not deserved special right. While Malay will think that non-Malay is trying to overtake their right. Indian will think that they always been abandon.
With such perception been carried for generation, to generation, the hatred and fear of other races continue, even getting worse until the present
For me, if we can throw away such perception, one day, and that day, we can truly define ourselves as the genuine Malaysian. Till the day, there are still a long journey to go. The way to reach the goal won't be easy. Only those with strong will able to achieve it. But do all Malaysian have such goal in their mind? I don't know.
But, i can tell you with my very own experiences, it's very hard.
Even if you try to be friendly, open, but sometime, because of some jerk, you effort just ruin.
But i believe the day there will be no more Chinese, Malay,Indian but only Malaysian will come.The day that every one live in peace without bias, without hatred.Perhaps one day, might not be now, might not be in this 10 years or might not even in my life time, but i sure that day will come. It's matter of time. Whether it's fast or slow, depend to how fast Malaysian mentality can change.
ps: this blog was written to support my friend Foo Cheong as a Malaysian with the spirit of Malaysian.
adult, part 2!?
I am headache again, no denial that i am weak. Got sick easily. For the solution!! Take this!
I know, taking this kind of medicine will give the side effect. But no choice, especially when i am in hurry, it will naturally "visit" me. maybe because of my bad habit.
k. let me continue my blog for the second part.
Recently i read an blog, a blog written by someone much younger than me, probably 4 or 5 years. Reading the blog, making me to flash back my youth time, though it's kinda different, but everything seem much simpler than now. When i was youth, i always wish i can grew up faster, but now, the other way round. I hope the time stop(is that possible?of course not).
For me living in a world where everyone wearing masks on their face, so do i. You got no choice. Sometime, you even have to wear the mask even, you are already wearing one of it. LOL! but that's the fact. At this age, you must beware every single thing you do, even every single thing you type(i even thinking every single word that i am typing now.LOL)That's the reality. Even your are right, but if the majority,or "commander" don't feel so, then you are wrong!
Sometime, when you trying hard for something,for sure, there will be something that against your effort.
I know, taking this kind of medicine will give the side effect. But no choice, especially when i am in hurry, it will naturally "visit" me. maybe because of my bad habit.
k. let me continue my blog for the second part.
Recently i read an blog, a blog written by someone much younger than me, probably 4 or 5 years. Reading the blog, making me to flash back my youth time, though it's kinda different, but everything seem much simpler than now. When i was youth, i always wish i can grew up faster, but now, the other way round. I hope the time stop(is that possible?of course not).
For me living in a world where everyone wearing masks on their face, so do i. You got no choice. Sometime, you even have to wear the mask even, you are already wearing one of it. LOL! but that's the fact. At this age, you must beware every single thing you do, even every single thing you type(i even thinking every single word that i am typing now.LOL)That's the reality. Even your are right, but if the majority,or "commander" don't feel so, then you are wrong!
Sometime, when you trying hard for something,for sure, there will be something that against your effort.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Day
Before starting story of the day,
last night, i had a bad dream, dreamt that been scold by lecturer during presentation. haigh... bad instinct.
Today, day for integrated project presentation. woke up as early as 6am(supposedly by 5am) Keep revising, and reading all the details of the report. Gosh, that's a lot to be memorized,and more to explain.... ready up myself, reached faculty by 8am. finalize all the presentation.
By 8.50am, we went to the meeting room, waiting for the lecturers to arrive. Our presentation start by 9.15am, 15 minutes late from the actual time.Why?Not our fault.
The worst thing was even before the presentation, we have been "attacked" for the sake of the university name. Instead of "National University of Malaysia", it must be in "Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia" What? Because they told us that," it's a big offense to change the name of the university. Huh? In fact, there was stated in the official website, even in my matrix card of that words. In didn't argue anything, just keep quite. They later told us that "National University of Malaysia" just nick name of the UKM. and cannot been use. Later, Our front cover of the is circled, and been told, "potong markah" what? They even ask who the one who write the cover, shit, somehow is me.
From that moment, i know that's just beginning, the worst still awaiting us. And true enough, during Q&A session, haigh.... speechless, horrible, terrible, vegetable. Kena kaw kaw.
Everything sucks from the beginning till the end. But can't be denial that today i do learned something. That's what my group member, Chun Ta said. I don't denial that, but somehow, that incident stuff still running in my mind throughout the day.
Finally, now, i'am cooled down. Flashing back what happened today. It's already the past. But now agree with Chun Ta that we actually learnt something today.
1) Learnt to be mindful every single words that came out from our mouth. Make sure you got strong reasoning with evidence for every statement made.
2) I learnt to be mindful every single thing you have written. Make sure it's logical, no mistake, every notation used must be according to engineering standardization.
3) Learnt to make more preparation even you are ready, practice make perfect.
4) Learnt to analyse, being attacked was a horrible stuff, take it positive, learnt from criticism, take out the what can be learnt.
5) Learnt to be a good employee. Be prepare to be "shoot", scold, obey, and let go.
6) Understand that you be always wrong if you not capable enough. Now i really understand the meaning "koung yan kong ye mou yan theng", "poor people say thing no people listen" Cantonese." Unless you are strong enough.
7) Perfectism make you perfect.
Though everything turned out to be suck, but who care, i LEARNT something today. Something precious. Thank you!
Oh ya, suddenly i found out my form 3 photos. Kinda missing them!
1st row(from left):Mervin,Amri(Cheekoi),Khairy(Abe), Cikgu Azman(squad teacher),Ashraf(Ash), Chairol(Chai),Abu
2nd row(from left): Hafifi(Kep), Murali, Arif(Penyu), Fatah, Nureikmar(Gebang),Shah(Bai), Firdaus(Kuda),Rashid.
Guess when we gonna meet again.
last night, i had a bad dream, dreamt that been scold by lecturer during presentation. haigh... bad instinct.
Today, day for integrated project presentation. woke up as early as 6am(supposedly by 5am) Keep revising, and reading all the details of the report. Gosh, that's a lot to be memorized,and more to explain.... ready up myself, reached faculty by 8am. finalize all the presentation.
By 8.50am, we went to the meeting room, waiting for the lecturers to arrive. Our presentation start by 9.15am, 15 minutes late from the actual time.Why?Not our fault.
The worst thing was even before the presentation, we have been "attacked" for the sake of the university name. Instead of "National University of Malaysia", it must be in "Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia" What? Because they told us that," it's a big offense to change the name of the university. Huh? In fact, there was stated in the official website, even in my matrix card of that words. In didn't argue anything, just keep quite. They later told us that "National University of Malaysia" just nick name of the UKM. and cannot been use. Later, Our front cover of the is circled, and been told, "potong markah" what? They even ask who the one who write the cover, shit, somehow is me.
From that moment, i know that's just beginning, the worst still awaiting us. And true enough, during Q&A session, haigh.... speechless, horrible, terrible, vegetable. Kena kaw kaw.
Everything sucks from the beginning till the end. But can't be denial that today i do learned something. That's what my group member, Chun Ta said. I don't denial that, but somehow, that incident stuff still running in my mind throughout the day.
Finally, now, i'am cooled down. Flashing back what happened today. It's already the past. But now agree with Chun Ta that we actually learnt something today.
1) Learnt to be mindful every single words that came out from our mouth. Make sure you got strong reasoning with evidence for every statement made.
2) I learnt to be mindful every single thing you have written. Make sure it's logical, no mistake, every notation used must be according to engineering standardization.
3) Learnt to make more preparation even you are ready, practice make perfect.
4) Learnt to analyse, being attacked was a horrible stuff, take it positive, learnt from criticism, take out the what can be learnt.
5) Learnt to be a good employee. Be prepare to be "shoot", scold, obey, and let go.
6) Understand that you be always wrong if you not capable enough. Now i really understand the meaning "koung yan kong ye mou yan theng", "poor people say thing no people listen" Cantonese." Unless you are strong enough.
7) Perfectism make you perfect.
Though everything turned out to be suck, but who care, i LEARNT something today. Something precious. Thank you!
Oh ya, suddenly i found out my form 3 photos. Kinda missing them!
1st row(from left):Mervin,Amri(Cheekoi),Khairy(Abe), Cikgu Azman(squad teacher),Ashraf(Ash), Chairol(Chai),Abu
2nd row(from left): Hafifi(Kep), Murali, Arif(Penyu), Fatah, Nureikmar(Gebang),Shah(Bai), Firdaus(Kuda),Rashid.
Guess when we gonna meet again.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
adult, part 1!?
I am 22 this year, going to be 23 soon by next year. The year of 2008 is going to end soon. Life of a 22 years being. Wow, an adult. How will it suppose to be? how many extra-ordinary experiences that you have experienced?
Recently, I bump into a long lost friend of mine. Not even in contact since we work at genting. Sometime, I even wish I will bump into her, and it really happened after 2 years, but just a few minutes. What surprised me is that she was with her husband and her baby. Wow, already with a child. At the moment we met, she do introduce me her family but unfortunately I didn’t really manage to see the cute baby. Meeting her just got me flash back the past, the happy moment in genting. But, that’s the past.
Just while I am surfing net, updating myself to my friends in Friendster. Again, I see pictures of babies, gosh…. Again someone with children. Since form 6 till now, friends of mine, one by 1, building their family one by one.
Guess, that’s human norm. And they seem happy, happy families. Will I be them? Yeah, I wish to. But not now. Maybe someday. Or perhaps never. Living on this very earth for 22 years, but there still a lot of things I haven’t done yet. My ambition, my goal! Only me myself can fulfill my own wish! Till then, nothing is more important than it.
Recently, I bump into a long lost friend of mine. Not even in contact since we work at genting. Sometime, I even wish I will bump into her, and it really happened after 2 years, but just a few minutes. What surprised me is that she was with her husband and her baby. Wow, already with a child. At the moment we met, she do introduce me her family but unfortunately I didn’t really manage to see the cute baby. Meeting her just got me flash back the past, the happy moment in genting. But, that’s the past.
Just while I am surfing net, updating myself to my friends in Friendster. Again, I see pictures of babies, gosh…. Again someone with children. Since form 6 till now, friends of mine, one by 1, building their family one by one.
Guess, that’s human norm. And they seem happy, happy families. Will I be them? Yeah, I wish to. But not now. Maybe someday. Or perhaps never. Living on this very earth for 22 years, but there still a lot of things I haven’t done yet. My ambition, my goal! Only me myself can fulfill my own wish! Till then, nothing is more important than it.
I am Back!!!
Holidays going to end, the unsolved problem still piling up. Haigh… really wish that I will have a endless holidays. But…. face the reality of life. Basically I went back to hometown around a week. Nothing special happened, I but really love the life in my own sweet home. With my parents, siblings, everyone in it. Crapping, quarreling, caring, helping, and sharing. That’s what a family meant to me.
Now I am back, back to the ‘home alone’ place. Lol….Though we actually consist of 9 people. But, sometime, meaningless, each of everyone live in their very own life. So, do I. isolated in myself in my very own room. Doing nothing productive. Everyone is striving, but not me. The only one that going nowhere, doing nothing, sitting back I room, watching series movies, playing game, and surfing the net. With my back carrying a lot of undone work. “It’s the time to start”, that’s what I tell myself. But ended up at the origin point.
Recently my mum often asked me something out of my surprise, perhaps she keep herself updated by reading my blog. Coz, I hardly tell my parents about my personal stuffs.
Hopefully, I can go through this very last month of the semester, the very last months before starting a brand new year.
Now I am back, back to the ‘home alone’ place. Lol….Though we actually consist of 9 people. But, sometime, meaningless, each of everyone live in their very own life. So, do I. isolated in myself in my very own room. Doing nothing productive. Everyone is striving, but not me. The only one that going nowhere, doing nothing, sitting back I room, watching series movies, playing game, and surfing the net. With my back carrying a lot of undone work. “It’s the time to start”, that’s what I tell myself. But ended up at the origin point.
Recently my mum often asked me something out of my surprise, perhaps she keep herself updated by reading my blog. Coz, I hardly tell my parents about my personal stuffs.
Hopefully, I can go through this very last month of the semester, the very last months before starting a brand new year.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Post??
Basically a lot of thing i wanna to post. But kinda lazy.
so i guess just post some photo of myself. LOL!
call me crazy, call me syok sendiri. whatever u like. Like kinda long time din upload my own pictures.
"i will be start posting back soon. a lot of thing to express out. but not now. not in mood" the red hat thinker.
so i guess just post some photo of myself. LOL!
call me crazy, call me syok sendiri. whatever u like. Like kinda long time din upload my own pictures.
"i will be start posting back soon. a lot of thing to express out. but not now. not in mood" the red hat thinker.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
My Camera!!!
It has been months, or perharp nearly half of the year my camera "leaved" me. Thanks to my generosity. Finally it return to me. Having camera as if no camera, really change my interest on it. Just as i got my camera last night, but i don't really use it. As if i lost interest in taking photos like usual. Or maybe i lost the mood of taking photos? Maybe. The worst part is the battery actually having problem. Since leaving me such a long time, i think it really start to "kong". Haigh... just got my camera, taken less than 10 photos, sudah out of battery. Haigh...
sueh siao... Thanks to me also la. leaving it so far from me, maybe too long din used by me, so....like me also give up already. The battery can't be charge any more. This morning i charged it till the evening, yet still in low baterry. Haigh... masa sudah sampai. Aber ich habe kein Geld fur neu Camera.....
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Kosong
Pilu!!!
Bagaikan botol kosong tidak berisi.
Botol kosong di tengah laut.
Terapung-apung tanpa hala tuju.
Tanpa disokong, tanpa ditemani,
Terus berada di tengah lautan,
Dibuai perasaan kekosongan,
Menunggu air laut memenuhinya.
Masa sampai, botol kini penuh,
Sampai masanya untuk tenggelam,
Ke dalam dasar laut,
Yang dipenuhi kegelapan, kesamaran.
Dibawanya perasaan rindu, kasih
Tenggelam bersamanya.
Dikuburnya dalam dasar laut selamanya.
Tanpa diketahui,tanpa dikesani.........
Bagaikan botol kosong tidak berisi.
Botol kosong di tengah laut.
Terapung-apung tanpa hala tuju.
Tanpa disokong, tanpa ditemani,
Terus berada di tengah lautan,
Dibuai perasaan kekosongan,
Menunggu air laut memenuhinya.
Masa sampai, botol kini penuh,
Sampai masanya untuk tenggelam,
Ke dalam dasar laut,
Yang dipenuhi kegelapan, kesamaran.
Dibawanya perasaan rindu, kasih
Tenggelam bersamanya.
Dikuburnya dalam dasar laut selamanya.
Tanpa diketahui,tanpa dikesani.........
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Durjana Hidup!
Apakah hidup ini dipenuhi oleh orang-orang durjana?
Apakah hidup seorang budak naif akan didurjanai oleh syaitan-syaitan disekelilingnya?
Minda budak naif ini bagailah sehelai kertas putih.
Apakah kertas ini akan kekal putih selamanya?
Apakah kertas ini akan diwarnai dengan warna pelangi atau dicemari dengan contengan?
Apakah masa depan budak naif ini.
Bila, seorang budak naif, dicemar dengan hidup yang durjana, diselubungi kegelapan hidup. Hilang arah tuju, hilang penglihatan, hilang segala-galanya.....
Namun, janganlah budak naif lupa, satu-satunya yang masih berada disisi budak naif, DIRI SENDIRI. seseorang diri, budak naif kehilangan segalanya, dan dengan seorang dirilah budak naif memperoleh segalanya. Asalkan budak naif tidak kehilangan diri sendiri, maka segala yang hilang dapat dikembalikan. Dari kegelapan yang teramat, budak naif bangun dan terus mara kehadapan, Berkat kegigihan, dan kecekalan budak naif akan diterangi oleh suatu cahaya,suatu harapan membimbing budak naif bebas dari kegelapan hidup.Cahaya itu, sentiasa berada disisi budak naif, namun, syaitan-syaitan durjana cuma mengaburi mata si budak naif. Asalkan budak naif mahu cahaya, maka cahaya itulah yang akan menerangi hidup budak naif ini.
Persoalannya, mahukan budak naif hidup dalam cahaya ataupun kembali dalam hidup kegelapan?
Tiada siapa, tiada seorang pun dalam hidup ini menentukan hidup budak naif ini.
Cuma budak naif dan hanya budak naif sendiri sahaja mampu menentukan arah tujunya.
Cuma budak naif dan hanya budak naif sendiri sahaja yang dapat menuntukan hidupnya dalam cahaya atau kegelapan.
Renungkan.....
Apakah hidup seorang budak naif akan didurjanai oleh syaitan-syaitan disekelilingnya?
Minda budak naif ini bagailah sehelai kertas putih.
Apakah kertas ini akan kekal putih selamanya?
Apakah kertas ini akan diwarnai dengan warna pelangi atau dicemari dengan contengan?
Apakah masa depan budak naif ini.
Bila, seorang budak naif, dicemar dengan hidup yang durjana, diselubungi kegelapan hidup. Hilang arah tuju, hilang penglihatan, hilang segala-galanya.....
Namun, janganlah budak naif lupa, satu-satunya yang masih berada disisi budak naif, DIRI SENDIRI. seseorang diri, budak naif kehilangan segalanya, dan dengan seorang dirilah budak naif memperoleh segalanya. Asalkan budak naif tidak kehilangan diri sendiri, maka segala yang hilang dapat dikembalikan. Dari kegelapan yang teramat, budak naif bangun dan terus mara kehadapan, Berkat kegigihan, dan kecekalan budak naif akan diterangi oleh suatu cahaya,suatu harapan membimbing budak naif bebas dari kegelapan hidup.Cahaya itu, sentiasa berada disisi budak naif, namun, syaitan-syaitan durjana cuma mengaburi mata si budak naif. Asalkan budak naif mahu cahaya, maka cahaya itulah yang akan menerangi hidup budak naif ini.
Persoalannya, mahukan budak naif hidup dalam cahaya ataupun kembali dalam hidup kegelapan?
Tiada siapa, tiada seorang pun dalam hidup ini menentukan hidup budak naif ini.
Cuma budak naif dan hanya budak naif sendiri sahaja mampu menentukan arah tujunya.
Cuma budak naif dan hanya budak naif sendiri sahaja yang dapat menuntukan hidupnya dalam cahaya atau kegelapan.
Renungkan.....
bitch slap
suddenly i remember a weird word from weird people. the bitch slap. well, i just know what it actually meant.
"Bitch slap
The term "bitch slap" is derived from American slang. In the original sense, a "bitch slap" is a powerful, full-swing slap in the face with the front of the hand, evoking the way an angry pimp might slap a defiant prostitute (not to be confused with a "pimp slap" which uses the back of the hand). However, the term is now frequently used figuratively to describe a humiliating defeat or punishment.
The term biatch, beyatch or beotch is a slang word for bitch. The term has become widely used in mainstream media to avoid censorship. It was also well defined in the once popular tune "Let Me Ride" by music performer Dr. Dre. Since the original term is no longer as derogatory as it once was, these derivatives are often used with emphasis to try to achieve the expression of irritation the term itself once expressed about the female character."
from wikipedia
eveyln, eveyln, you dah lah blur, some more simply say things. haigh... apa nak jadi. takkan nak jadi seperti apa yang anda cakap. dunia ini dah cukup banyak orang-orang itu. tolong la kurang kan. nanti overpopulated. haha.. what am i saying.....
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The root of GREED!!!
Greed!!!
What does the word mean?
Desire to want something more and more. Guess everyone carrying it within ourselves. But what matter is how you control it. You can want this and that but make sure there is a limit. Some people wishing this and that everyday. When the open their eye they start thinking i wish i can...These people started themselves with small wishes and turned it to greed. i wish god will fulfill 3 wishes each day. that such a annoying statement. Because all those wishes are for his/her own self, that why it been called as greed. I remember what my dad thought us when we went to temple. He asked us, "why are you going to temple, and what are you going to say in front of the Buddha statue?" The question stunt us. Later he told us " when you go for prayers, never ever wish for something, never ask for favor, instead go with gratitude. Thanks for our well being, thanks for our healthy body, thank for our happiness, thanks for our happiness."
on that moment, i learned the meaning Gratitude from a person who never been any Dhamma lesson before. That's why, Dhamma is universal. everywhere, everyone,everytime there is the Dhamma.
So people who have such a good life, please be gratitude on what you are having now. Stop asking this and that. if there God exist, He will never grant wishes for such a person. Share your happiness, do more charity, this world, there is cause and effect. One day we will ripe what we seed. Whether it will be fruitful or rotten is depended on you! You make you own choice. HE can't make the choice for you. Plus if HE exist, HE would not like HIS creation giving HIM so much problem. HE has play HIS role, how about you? have you? Think about it.
What does the word mean?
Desire to want something more and more. Guess everyone carrying it within ourselves. But what matter is how you control it. You can want this and that but make sure there is a limit. Some people wishing this and that everyday. When the open their eye they start thinking i wish i can...These people started themselves with small wishes and turned it to greed. i wish god will fulfill 3 wishes each day. that such a annoying statement. Because all those wishes are for his/her own self, that why it been called as greed. I remember what my dad thought us when we went to temple. He asked us, "why are you going to temple, and what are you going to say in front of the Buddha statue?" The question stunt us. Later he told us " when you go for prayers, never ever wish for something, never ask for favor, instead go with gratitude. Thanks for our well being, thanks for our healthy body, thank for our happiness, thanks for our happiness."
on that moment, i learned the meaning Gratitude from a person who never been any Dhamma lesson before. That's why, Dhamma is universal. everywhere, everyone,everytime there is the Dhamma.
So people who have such a good life, please be gratitude on what you are having now. Stop asking this and that. if there God exist, He will never grant wishes for such a person. Share your happiness, do more charity, this world, there is cause and effect. One day we will ripe what we seed. Whether it will be fruitful or rotten is depended on you! You make you own choice. HE can't make the choice for you. Plus if HE exist, HE would not like HIS creation giving HIM so much problem. HE has play HIS role, how about you? have you? Think about it.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Fac Nite photos
Basically all these photos from Chun Ta's camera. Just a few of it. Just look at the photos! Kinda lazy to type.
.......
Should I blog about the last weekend stuff or something else? Maybe both…..
Basically last weekend nothing much interesting, just that we went to pavilion for a movie so call The Mummy 2. Reached the about 11.40pm but only left ticket at 12.50am. What to do? Bought the tickets and going nowhere and ended up in Coffee Bean. Each of us ordered a drink and a piece of cake. Compared to the Starbuck, I prefer Starbuck. 5 of us, hanging together but there were just tables with maximum 4 seats per table. No choice, just add a chair to fit all of us together. Tasted all the cakes they bought as well their drinks. Btw, when we were enjoying our cakes, one of my friends told me that something strange about 4 guys next to us. Basically I also feel so, but can really sure. Maybe their appearance or their outlook kinda different. Lol. Anyway, none of my business.
K back to the present. Exam coming, quizzes coming, test coming, haigh… with the lab reports, proposal for thermo lab and the integrated project stuff. Really making me headache.That’s the reality. So, Mervin, time for you to start working. Stop lying around doing nothing. The time is running out. You can stop, but the time will never do so.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Tiring Weekend(part A)
Let me continue the part 2….
Saturday, supposedly to be a light and easy day for me, but… I had my self registered a mathlab course. Which cost me RM60 !!!.auch…. Due to my intergrated project as well my weekness in programming, so I got no choice, and joined the course which took place in my course department’s computer lab.For the sake of that, I sacrificed my weekend. Haigh…. Guess what time is the course?It’s 8am early in the morning. Gosh, imagine you have to wake up as early as that for Saturday and Sunday. LOL…. Overall the course was just ok to me; I didn’t manage to learn much in this course. And only around 15 people participated this course. Facing the computer for the whole day, was kinda tiring, imagine you faced the computer from 8.30am till 5pm,around 8hours. Haigh…. Night time no event
Quit the crap, move to the next day, Sunday, same thing happened, just on that night i attended the fac nite. Been the around 6 plus, and when we reached there, all of them already eating left just a little food for use. No more refill. What la, I have paid rm 50 for the dinner la. How come no refill, plus the food was suck. The performance overall was just ok. Just a few of the candidate performance were satisfactory, there others suck. After all the performance ended, was the dancing time. This was the worst part of the event for me. I hate this part, which reminded me when I was first year. This is the part when I started to feel lonely, where you felt so empty.haigh…. Wanna to dance, but the problem is with whom? Although I the middle of the event, I tried to make myself enjoy the moment, but somehow, I just can’t. I don’t have the mood. Just pretending that I am a part of the crowd. For the fac king and queen, some how won by JKMB(my course department) wow…..
I am kinda sleepy now. That all for the last weekend stuff. This weekend stuff will be post up tomorrow.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tiring Week(part A)
Starting1st-3rd August, I have been busy for the whole weekend, or basically can say I am kinda busy for the whole week. Anyway, the most happening days was the weekend starting from Friday till Sunday.
Let me start with Friday morning, where I suppose don’t have any class on that day, but due to assignment, I had myself woke up earlier in the morning, rushing for my machine components design assignment to done. Having meeting with my supervisor of the integrated project at 10am to summit our proposal. Any surprisingly out of 3 groups, we was the only group which our proposal been accepted, while the other 2 been rejected. I was so surprise because there were some minor mistakes on our proposal, where I asked the supervisor whether we should redo our proposal, but he said ‘never mind, you don’t have the time to do it.” But he rejected the other 2 groups’ proposals and asked them to redo all over again. Basically the other group member told me that they made some major mistake on their literature review part. Luckily I went to the faculty to see the sample thesis way to write that part, we even went to Uni library to search details on the theme given, the power train system. I am glad that my effort pay off coz I am the kind that hardly been seen in any library in the Uni except for news paper reading. Lol. Being selected to be group leader for the project given me a bigger responsibility as I need to plan for the flow for the project progression, the time for meet up, task distribution, have to know what my group members progression, and ect… basically have to know everything. Haigh…. Again I am cling to the word ‘responsibility’, because during the meeting, the supervisor will ask me this and that, and if I fail to answer him,…… you know la. Haigh….
Let stop here. My Friday journey still going on!! After meeting, continued doing my assignment, and only able to reached home by 12pm. Had a short rest, take a nap, cook for lunch, and 3pm when for tuition till 5 something. Take a short break and the get ready myself for the “Comp Night”, college dinner. I had been invited, and it was free for me since I was the previous college’s committee member.
Reached the function around 7.20pm due to traffic congestion (we were expected to reach by 7pm), but luckily still a lot f them yet to reach. Overall the performance of the juniors for groups and candidates were awesome. And the newly selected Queen is very pretty. I wish I knew her. Lol! And the dinner ended around 12am and on bed around 1 plus. That’s the story of my whole Friday.
Oh ya no photos taken la, coz i still don't have the camera with me. Sorry, if not, i can take photo with the queen.Lol
Friday, July 11, 2008
Personality Test!Soul Searching
Last week, Chee Onn given me some assessment for a personality test which divided to four groups of profile, the popular sanguine, the powerful choleric, the perfect melancholy, and the peaceful phlegmatic. Each people have 2 of its as their domain. But surprisingly i do not dominate any of it, because i possesses all the four profiles, you can define me as a person with multi personalities or without any personality.
From the beginning of my life till now, what i experienced seem like everything hanging on the middle. Possess no specialty. Never being excellence nor too weak in my studies, never be good in sports not being a weakling. From a not too poor or extremely rich family. I wish me myself at least perfect i a field not in between, hanging and going nowhere. Being an intermediate causing me a lot of doubt, undecided choice, as struggling to be one of these group coz no one is in common with me. People might think this kind of personality is the can adapt with everyone but someone it isn't easy, you are not yourself and you not belong to the group.
From the beginning of my life till now, what i experienced seem like everything hanging on the middle. Possess no specialty. Never being excellence nor too weak in my studies, never be good in sports not being a weakling. From a not too poor or extremely rich family. I wish me myself at least perfect i a field not in between, hanging and going nowhere. Being an intermediate causing me a lot of doubt, undecided choice, as struggling to be one of these group coz no one is in common with me. People might think this kind of personality is the can adapt with everyone but someone it isn't easy, you are not yourself and you not belong to the group.
The Beginning!!!
New sem started with the new Mervin, staying at newly rent house,with new bed,new wardrobe drive 'new car''kelisa, new housemates, new lecturers for this semester, with new coursemate from German(student exchange), new lifestyle and most importantly new effort and new aspiration.
For the first week of the semester, and for the first time i am being so attentive in the class. Maybe the way of those lecturers delivered their lectures effectively or my personal aspiration changed my personality. I want to have a good results for this semester. If possible i hope that i can gain a four flat. But is that possible? Some might think that i just dreaming, but who care, this my aspiration for this coming 2 years. For the sake of my self-improvement, i will work harder to achieve my goal. Having quiz for the first week of the semester is kinda surprising, but i did my revision. There will be 2 more quizzes coming next week. Preparation is the for my to achieve my goal.
What i meant by new lifestyle? New aspiration is one of the factors that changes my living style. Being single again is also one of it. Somehow when you were not single turned single, you might feel some kind of loneliness, but i don't have the mood to change my status. Just need some friends who really can understand me and talk to me, and lean his/her ears to me. I wish i could find someone in my uni. At the moment none can do so, all are just friends who looking for your help or seeking benefits from you. Some even worst, trying to pull you down, uninspired you. It's kind of tough for me, especially when you tried to be truly yourself and helping sincerely. They are humans, even your pal next to you try to fail your effort. Seem like being myself isn't easy for me, coz no matter what you are doing, they will look for your mistake. Waking up early and sleep early seem to be a healthy lifestyle, but the worst thing is a sleep most of the time, i old bad habit, i tried to eliminate it, but it staying at the home doing nothing, with no friend, what else you can do. of course sleep la.
Aspiration is there, but to achieve it, i need to pass through all those hindrance in front me. I wish i could do so. Perharp someone can stay beside me when i pass through my life. I wish...
For the first week of the semester, and for the first time i am being so attentive in the class. Maybe the way of those lecturers delivered their lectures effectively or my personal aspiration changed my personality. I want to have a good results for this semester. If possible i hope that i can gain a four flat. But is that possible? Some might think that i just dreaming, but who care, this my aspiration for this coming 2 years. For the sake of my self-improvement, i will work harder to achieve my goal. Having quiz for the first week of the semester is kinda surprising, but i did my revision. There will be 2 more quizzes coming next week. Preparation is the for my to achieve my goal.
What i meant by new lifestyle? New aspiration is one of the factors that changes my living style. Being single again is also one of it. Somehow when you were not single turned single, you might feel some kind of loneliness, but i don't have the mood to change my status. Just need some friends who really can understand me and talk to me, and lean his/her ears to me. I wish i could find someone in my uni. At the moment none can do so, all are just friends who looking for your help or seeking benefits from you. Some even worst, trying to pull you down, uninspired you. It's kind of tough for me, especially when you tried to be truly yourself and helping sincerely. They are humans, even your pal next to you try to fail your effort. Seem like being myself isn't easy for me, coz no matter what you are doing, they will look for your mistake. Waking up early and sleep early seem to be a healthy lifestyle, but the worst thing is a sleep most of the time, i old bad habit, i tried to eliminate it, but it staying at the home doing nothing, with no friend, what else you can do. of course sleep la.
Aspiration is there, but to achieve it, i need to pass through all those hindrance in front me. I wish i could do so. Perharp someone can stay beside me when i pass through my life. I wish...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
My Camera! 2!!!
I hate you! from a friend turned foe. That what I wanna to say the one holding my camera without returning it to me. Whether unintentionally or intentionally, I jus wanna my camera back. I don’t know why he/she keep my camera without returning me for months. That selfishness bring suffering to others. My mum can’t have my camera for her
A friend turned foe when he/she start attacking you with harsh words, sarcasms, ridiculous actions. I wonder this friendship meant? Nothing? Or something? Or everything? I don’t know. Leave it to the wise one to answer it. Or maybe the holy one!!!
Guess I got no choice, I should directly ask his/her parents to get back my camera. Maybe that will be easier for me to get my camera back. Soon…..i will…..since I got no other option to have my hard earned camera backSaturday, May 17, 2008
My Camera!!!!
It has been months since my camera left me. Lean to someone. But still not returned... Is kinda of suffer when your beloved and frequent use camera left you. A lot of small little sence shot you wanna to take but you just can't. Having a camera is hard for me, and having a good camera even harder for me. Gain my u750 Olympus with with one and a half month salary earned from the working time at genting. I really precious it, handle it with care. But somehow it's not with me. It's kind of missing when your thing belong to you yet you can't get it back. Some people might think that my camera just a cheap useless camera. But let me tell ya, that i am not rich to have one new, i don't even have a handphone with camera. So i really need it, desperately esspecially the very moment you wanna to capture. Due to selfishness, sarcasm, frustration i couldn't get my belonging. Maybe the one holding my camera think i deserve it. For the sake of my action, i should receive some punishment. But me myself, deep in my heart i feel no guilt. Because i done nothing wrong. i speak no harsh word even that person do that to me. Not that i am holy, sometime, enough mean enough. Some people just looking backward, hating everyone and blaming everyone in the world.
Camera, camera. when will you return to me. My mom keep asking me, where is the camera, she wanna to take it to Bangkok(her vacation). I keep on giving excuses, don't know what to do. But i really need that. The worst part is my mum don't want use other people camera, because i told her i wanna to lean lik keong's carema for her trip. She say," if spoil how? i don't want owe people"Haigh.... i had asked that person to return me that camera, but there is no respond.
Basically, i in deep dillema, just want to get back my belonging. but thing seem don't work pretty well. for the rich who can buy new camera should return the poor 1 who only can afford a camera the whole family. But does that person care? all i get is just the words of sarcasm. May he or she be well and happy!!! God bless him/her!!!
Camera, camera. when will you return to me. My mom keep asking me, where is the camera, she wanna to take it to Bangkok(her vacation). I keep on giving excuses, don't know what to do. But i really need that. The worst part is my mum don't want use other people camera, because i told her i wanna to lean lik keong's carema for her trip. She say," if spoil how? i don't want owe people"Haigh.... i had asked that person to return me that camera, but there is no respond.
Basically, i in deep dillema, just want to get back my belonging. but thing seem don't work pretty well. for the rich who can buy new camera should return the poor 1 who only can afford a camera the whole family. But does that person care? all i get is just the words of sarcasm. May he or she be well and happy!!! God bless him/her!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Maturity Period!!??
Lately I have behaving weirdly where Mervin is not Mervin. Feel like everything wrong, life sucks, loneness, and self-isolation. My senior, Wang Wang said that was the period of matuity. Period where we grow more matured. That what she said la. I don’t take 100% what she said, neither do I reject it. Just observing my feeling with what she told me. Haigh…. It have been months since my study break till now. The worst part was this kind of feeling keep on distracting even during exam. That why I worry this affect my exam results. And now, exam ended, on break. Yet it bothers me. Every single moment of mine. Sucks men… I wonder how long this will end. I almost gone mad….Argh….. Kaw meng r…..
Life never been like what we wish, I accept it. I have done what I should do, but somehow things just going another way round. Exploring deep inside myself, try to understand myself, looking for answers for myself, yet I can’t find it. If me myself can’t find the true Mervin, how he is going to explain to other people what Mervin is. Haha… funny right… if you can’t even know yourself, how you expect others to do so… But I really need care and moral support from certain people I need. But never get it…... clinging, attachment, source of my suffering…I wish I could free from it, but I know I can’t coz I am gripping on it. Letting go, is easy to be said, but hard to really let it go. Maybe I need sometime to release myself.
*ps: I am not specified it on my relationship stuff. It’s just a general statement of mine.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
My UKM Family
Let me blog about four of my close friend in UKM. Everything started from the organization so call “Pesta Tanglung” and the sub of it “Bahagian Iklan dan Kewangan” in year 2006. There I met a lot of friends, but some how we sort of form a group of four or a gang la. With the combination of 3 guys and a girl. Weird isn’t it? There are people asked why you guys always together but didn’t join others? Well, this question…. Make it simple, we to gather just because we want to be together. It is impossible for you to be close with everyone right? The thing is we still in contact till now. What I meant is hanging together from time to time. In fact we have our own family dinner every week on Tuesday since last 2 years. And the same still going on. Each of us have our own story and lifestyle and at least one of them will know another one story. Basically know each other well.
Let me introduce one by one……
The first one, of course is me. Photo taken during the PT carnival 2006
next will be kian yuan. see the noob face. a photos in Genting
here come the lil boy tian khoon. He always think he is cute. LOL... though a month older than me, but he is my younger brother. Why? base on mind maturity ma. Haha...
last but not list, kian choon, my lil sister.know what, she always call me 'ah ko'. as if i am really her bro. LOL...
photographing sesion.here the photos during the PT carvinal. We ave to bring the weird cartoon around the whole dewan kajang.
celebrating mei ching birthday in stall at dewan kajang. Having pan mee that time. those are members from IK group.
this picture was taken after the PT event, so call 'qing kong yen'. sort of last gathering.
here the 2008 PT performance. with us is Elim. my college junior as well Tian khoon partner during the perfarmance. pretty right. Haha..
wow, awesome! leng chai ler. haha the three.
choon with her weird permed hair. at skyway. on the way back.
few drama scene taken during the way back from genting.the fighting scene. perharp 'couple fight' or 'siblings fight'.haha.. who knows
killing scene. try to push tk out from the cable car. wanna to do experiment on free fall motion.lol!
wacking the horrible one. combo punch.
basically i wanna to post more photo and arrange it in order. but i couldn't find it. missing somewhere especially photos during PTs.this photos really remind me all our joys and happiness during the latter. really happy to know you guys. thanks for being part of my life. with your existence, make my light brighten even a little.next time i will fully post out you guys profile with comment and description.
*sorry for those in the group photos for their name not shown due to time constrain. sorry k.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)